my biggest blogging fear

Okay, bloggy blog friends, I am about to get vulnerable so listen up. (I should also mention that I am totally delirious, and I have been entertaining myself over the last half hour by writing on Matt's Facebook wall and changing his profile picture for him, etc.) So, I am laughing as I write this, and I will most likely read this later today, and wonder what in the world I was doing. Nevertheless.

Part of the reason I have not been a good blogger since getting knocked up is because I have an intense fear of boring all seventeen of you to death. Hold on, let me explain.

You see, pregnancy is sort of "all consuming," which really doesn't bode well for Gibbizarre. Half of the time my brain doesn't work at all, and the other half of the time, when it is working, I am thinking about pregnancy, which is fun for the other 1% of you who are pregnant... and possibly for my mom.

I have tried to fix this problem by mentally noting other possible blog topics, but since my brain's default is to go back to thinking about pregnancy, I feel powerless to elaborate on any of those topics... much less be funny and entertaining.

Why am I sharing this with you?

That is a good question, and I really don't have an answer. Actually, I do have an answer. By admitting to you that I know I have been single-minded in my very infrequent posting, I am protecting myself from rejection. If you think It's boring, well, then I said it first. :) Boo ya!

So here's to writer's block and pregnant insomnia brain! See ya on the flip side.

I have NO idea, yo

So I've been asked the question, "How do you picture your labor and delivery experience?" (In other words, how do you think this whole thing is gonna go down?)

Um. Do people think about that in advance? I have NO clue.

But after thinking about it, I realized I probably have some unrealistic ideas about labor.

LIKE...

I always picture myself calling Matt at work and frantically shouting, "I'm in labor! Come home NOW and take me to the hospital!" Of course in my imagination we are forced to make a mad rush to the hospital... in which I may be shouting obscenities, we may get pulled over by the cops, etc, etc.

But let's be real, that only happens in the movies. I mean, realistically I am probably going to be in labor for awhile, and you don't get to go to the hospital as soon as you get a contraction. AND you're supposed to like RELAX at home or something until you get to a point where they tell you it's time to come in. Totally anti-climatic if you ask me.

Also...

I've pretty much assumed that I will deliver on a weekday between 9 am and 6 pm. Actually, to be specific, I picture myself getting to the hospital around 9 or 10 am, putting in a days work (labor), and delivering sometime later (like between 4 and 6pm). I wish it was that predictable, man. Till about now, I hadn't even considered the fact that I could arrive at the hospital in the middle of the night, or on a weekend.

Another question I have been asked is, "What are your wishes on the day you deliver as far as visitors, etc?"

My wishes?

Again, another unrealistic idea. I picture our whole entire family waiting in the waiting room at the hospital and Matt running out to tell them, "He's here! It's a boy!" (Even though we already know it's a boy... unless we get a surprise, but that's off topic.) Once again, I'm assuming that's pretty much a movie thing.

But, I want visitors. How the heck am I supposed to know how soon I want visitors?

When my sister had her first kid, we were all in the hospital room in less than an hour after she delivered. (Well, I was in there WHEN she delivered, but my dad and my brother and Matt and my bro's best friend came in pretty soon after.) So I mean, who knows? It all depends.

So my wishes are officially. 1. Do what I say. 2. Be flexible. 3. Let's play it by ear.

And yes, if you didn't catch that, I watched my sister give birth to her first child.

more lists

I can't really think of any good things to blog about, and I'm blaming that on my pregnant brain. So, right now, at 6AM on a Sunday, when all of you are asleep (except perhaps those of you with newborns, or pregnancy insomnia, or really strange ideas of when it's fun to go workout), I am going to make another top 10 list.

And since I was awake, feeling this child move, thinking about how much I am ready to not be pregnant anymore, the list is entitled...

"Top 10 things I am looking most forward to after delivering this baby." (Once again omitting the things that would be TMI, and believe me, they exist. And also, I'll try not to make it just the exact opposite of my "10 worst things about pregnancy" list.)

10. Not having to anticipate what my new life with a child will be like anymore. I don't like anticipating cause it takes patience or something. This is why I always found and opened my Christmas presents early, why I try to figure out all surprises ahead of time, and probably why I can't keep secrets.

9. Losing 20 lbs in one day. I mean, seriously, who wouldn't think that was fun?

8. Warm weather. Okay, this has less to do w/ not being pregnant anymore, and more to do with time passing. But seriously, highs in the 30s? NOT FUN!

7. SHOPPING IN REGULAR STORES! I am convinced that EVERYTHING for sale at any non-maternity store looks cuter when you're pregnant because you can't have it. In addition to this, I am looking forward to wearing the non-maternity clothes that are already in my closet. I told Matt yesterday, "Henry and I are going to do a lot of shopping!" He was like, "Awesome."

6. Not having to worry or think about my caffeine intake. (Knock on wood. Cause even though it won't hurt the baby, it might still affect his sleep or stomach or something... via mommy milk.)

5. Laying down and sleeping (obviously not very much for awhile) in any position that I want including on my stomach and my back.

4. RUNNING. Never thought I'd ever have a problem with not being able to run, but oh my goodness, I cannot wait to run, uninhibited by my pregnant body. (I may be inhibited by the stroller I have to push or something, but that's okay.) Sad that I probably have to wait 6 more weeks after I deliver to do this.

3. Seeing how the baby will change the family dynamic. (My bro in laws and sis in laws will be first time aunts and uncles. My sister and I will both be moms now, etc.) I think it will be fun to watch everyone respond to the change.

2. Getting to understand that whole parent-child love thing. You know how everyone says that they can understand God's love so much more after having a kid. I am excited to experience that.

1. Meeting Baby Boy and getting to see him and know him and hold him and love him, of course!

Rewind: Another awesome rapping story.

Maybe you know the TI song "Whatever you like."

Well, I remembered that I had some awesome lyric confusion in that song too, and this can't be blamed on pregnancy since it was over a year ago. It's definitely worth telling though.

So this was sometime during the 2008 election when the song was on the radio all the time... and just now, when I looked up the lyrics, I realized the song was dirty... a good reason (in my mind) to just ignore the lyrics/never learn them, which I am obviously good at... then you can jam and not know that you're listening to trash.

Anyway... like I said it was during the '08 election, and I think Matt and I were on the way to Houston when it came on in the car.

We were just listening, when I bust out with a complaint, "I don't get it. Why is Joe Biden so cool all of the sudden? Just because Obama chose him as a running mate, rappers are going to start putting him in their songs!?"

Matt obviously didn't know what I was referring to, so I went on trying to explain... "Why does it say, 'Want JOE BIDEN, need JOE BIDEN?' That's so stupid."

Matt lovingly corrected me. Babe, it's "Want [your] BODY, need [your] body" not "want Joe Biden." Why would T.I. rap about Joe Biden?

Good question. Don't think I have lived that one down yet.

And btw, it's 5:08 AM. I have been up since 2:45... I woke up during a dream in which I was about to deliver the Hankster into the world. Unfortunately it was only a dream. I wonder how many other pregnant women are up at these insane hours. I am not good at being pregnant.

it feels GOOD to be a gangsta

The other day, Matt and I were riding along in the Accord when the Jay-Z song "Empire State of Mind" came on the radio. I decided to try to sing along and do the little gangsta move thing where you sort of purse your lips and move your hands up and down in front of your face while you rap... okay that was a really bad description, but surely at least one of you out there knows what I am talking about. Anyway...

Matt looks over at me. "STOP," he said.
"What? I don't look cool?"
"No."

But instead of stopping, I slightly repositioned my hands and continued to rap...

"Is this better?"
"It would be if you weren't pregnant and white... and that was our neighbor who just passed us while you were doing that."

Sweet. Fast forward to today...

Once again, riding along and the song "Replay" by Sean Kingston comes on. I've decided that I am going to sing along to the lyrics as loud as I can.

"Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday..."

At which point I bust out the next line confidently, "Like my eyeball's stuck on replay, replay."

Matt looks at me. "Are you serious? His EYEBALL is not stuck on replay."

Note: The lyrics are "like my ipod's stuck on replay." Not eyeball, oddly enough.

So the point is... I'm really white. And apparently even less cool than I'd be if I wasn't pregnant.

**Correction, it's Iyaz, not Sean Kingston