Thankful: Day 28 [Feeling Justified]

Most of you were probably not around to pay much attention to my most recent hair debacle over the Thanksgiving holiday - which is a good thing for me.  The drama and recovery are chronicled here and here, in case you missed it.

Anyway, I will have everyone know that I got it fixed on Saturday, and it looks much better.  Based on all the comments, I know you were very, very concerned.  (That or you're thinking, "Shut your mouth about the hair already!") HOWEVER...

Let me just say that the truth has come out NOW, after the crisis has been averted.  You see, I went to dinner with my most honest father and brother on Saturday night after everything was better.  At that point my dad said with some serious emphasis, "Oh, your hair looks MUCH better.  It looked really bad yesterday compared to this."  I almost thought he was just joking to poke fun at my overreaction (which he actually knew nothing about), but I kept asking him "Are you joking, or serious?" And it turns out, he meant it.  He admitted that he didn't think it looked "that bad" until he compared the old, messed up hair, with the newly improved hair.  My dad's wife at that point felt free to comment that she agreed it also looked much better now, etc.

So you see, people probably really didn't think my hair looked bad, but this just proves that my suspicions were accurate. Fortunately, Matt is not very observant, like at all, so I could look like I got hit by a train or an ugly stick, and he'd be happy regardless.

I am thankful to feel like it wasn't all in my head.  Thankful for the stylist who was really sweet to fix it for me and not take too much offense...  Thankful for the honesty of my male family members who have at times told me that I look "grungy" and other really nice adjectives like that.  Matt could never get away with such honesty.

Happy Monday!!!  Only two more days of this thankfulness series, and I can't lie and say I am not happy about it because I'm tired of hearing myself talk.

Thankful: Day 24 [Your sins are forgiven!]

Happy Thanksgiving!  I think I have mostly recovered from the drama that went down yesterday, and this post will shed more light on that.  I think it just might speak to you, too, so if you feel like you are in need of grace, read on. :)  (Oh, and feel free to laugh at the previous post from this point on.)

I couldn't sleep this morning, and so I got up and started to read this book, into which I am only three chapters deep, but each chapter is so good that I've read them all twice.

 

God decided that he would be full of grace towards me, even just a few hours after I wrote last night's post.  When is he not full of grace towards me?  But you get what I'm saying.

Keller, in his book, is basically preaching through the book of Mark, and the chapter I just read was from Mark 2:5, Jesus tells a paralytic that has come to him to be healed, "Son, your sins are forgiven."  Keller has a brilliant commentary on the whole story, which was particularly fitting for me today, considering my severe overreaction to a bad hair coloring experience.  Without sharing too much detail from the book, Keller points out how we come to Jesus to get our problems fixed, and Jesus graciously chooses to first focus on solving our biggest, deepest problem - our sin against Him. 

I could keep sharing more about what Keller had to say, but as soon as I read those words straight from scripture, "Your sins are forgiven."  It was everything I could do to not pick up my computer immediately to share with you how thankful I am that it's TRUE!  Is there a better thing to be thankful for on Thanksgiving Day?  I do not think so.

Psalm 32:1-2 "Blessed (or happy) is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity..."

You see, what's is even more upsetting to me about the fact that my hair got screwed up yesterday is that I care way, way too much about the whole thing.  Quite honestly, I wish that I did not care, that I would not get upset, and that I could just laugh about it and move on and let Jesus be enough for me...  I hate that my overreaction points to deeper insecurities, deeper problems.  I hate that even though God has given me grace upon grace, victory upon victory in the vanity department (and he has), that I still can go ballistic like that.

So what does Jesus do?  Does he say, "You bad, sinful, brat you!  Don't you know that there's people out there who can't afford to eat on Thanksgiving, and you are upset about your hair!?"  No.  He tenderly, graciously comes to me in the morning, and says, "Dear child, it is okay. Your sins are forgiven.  I love you."  Ah. Forgiveness. Exactly what I need.

Oh, and then he proves it by living righteously in my place, dying in my place, and coming back to life.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

"God shows his own love for us in this, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation (or atoning sacrifice) for our sins." 1 John 4:10

So, on Thanksgiving Day, I am elated, overjoyed, BEYOND thankful that in Christ, I have redemption, the forgiveness of sins!  To the praise of his glorious grace!

Thankful: Day 23 [Umm.]

I had plans to write this post earlier on in the day.  I was going to say I was thankful that I was getting my hair highlighted today.  A sneak peak into my vanity - I had a small, secret fear that the baby would decide to come before I had a chance to get my hair highlighted and the roots were looking pretty bad.  Not that anyone cares.

Fast forward to now, and I would actually be much happier if I could have the baby with the hair I had before 4:30 PM today... roots and all.

Long story short - my normal girl (of like five years) got moved to another salon, so instead of going to her - which I should have done - I figured she left my formula in the computer and just went to the chick they were sending all of her old clients to.  (I know that sentence isn't right, and I don't care.)  Except my girl didn't leave my formula in the computer, and apparently "highlights" to me is equivalent to this new chick's "BANANA BLONDE." Ugh.

I'm not gonna lie, if I let myself, I could still tear up about it right now.  I've actually been crying an embarrassing amount tonight.  Okay, I still am.

Let me qualify all this by saying that I know my hair does not look THAT bad, and that probably no one will notice or care.  However, I do notice and care, and to be honest, I don't really mind if you like my hair or not - I want to like it.  So the problem is really with me and my attitude... I get that.  I take that back, if I am being honest, I do care if you like my hair, but if I don't like it, I won't believe that you like it, even if you say that you do... so it doesn't really end up mattering if you like it or not. Got that? Good.

So anyway, when you are really pregnant- weighing way more than you feel comfortable weighing and your five year old nephew is calling you fat because he doesn't know any better... and people are commenting about how you are breathing too heavy... and other people are commenting about how BIG your certain unmentionable body parts are (which you hate and already feel self-conscious about), you want to do SOMETHING to feel attractive. Or at least I do.  Call me immature or vain or whatever- I realize my issues - just being honest here. (Funny in light of yesterday's post, but whatever.)

So yeah, when I walk in the salon as a brunette with blonde highlights, tell the lady that I want "the exact same as last time," and leave looking like pregnant Barbie, I'm probably not going to handle it so well.

You might be wondering what this has to do with being thankful.  And well, I am trying to figure it out too.  So, off the top of my head, even though I am crying, even though my husband has no idea how in the world this situation could possibly justify so much drama, and even though I am angry that this happened and that I might possibly have to face the girl again because I'm not sure I can live with my new hair color.... I will find things to be thankful about even though I'm not quite passed the "pissed off" stage... (Forgive me for being so blunt.)

1. Thankful that no one cares about my hair more than me.
2.  Thankful that situations like this actually do unveil sins in my heart - and things that matter far, far too much for me.  It's not really fun, but at least when God shows me that dirt, I have hope that he will also free me from it.
3.  Thankful that in two or three weeks I won't be breathing too hard, or being called fat by five year olds.  Wish I could say that the unmentionable body parts would be getting smaller, too, but we all know that's not what happens...
4. Thankful that I have a blog - writing about this has been therapeutic.  I am definitely over-sharing.  Oh well.  I'll regret it when some random person at my ten year HS reunion next year comes up to me and tells me that they read my blog.  For now I'll just be thankful that writing this post has given me some temporary sanity.
5.  Thankful for Henry.  I managed to stop crying enough to read him some books, say prayers and put him to bed.  He is a great distraction from myself.

I think that's good enough.  I also would like to add that mirrors are the devil.  With that, I am going to go apologize to my husband for being a psycho.  Good night!

oh, my naive, 19 yr old self!

So, I'm just now in the beginning stages of nesting as we prepare for number two, which has basically led to the cleaning out of closets.  As I have mentioned before, I LOVE throwing things in the trash.  I am a minimalist, and I hate extra stuff - especially extra stuff that takes up room in closets, or anywhere.

Anyway.  As I was cleaning out my closet, I came upon BOXES full of scrapbooks and scrapbook materials that are waiting to be finished.  I have a college scrapbook, a scrapbook from a mission trip I took to Zambia in college, two wedding scrapbooks, and THREE Henry scrapbooks - and all their potential pictures and scraps - taking up way more space in my closet than that of the future finished products.

So to get the satisfaction of throwing all the extras away, I actually have to do some work.  But anyway... while I was rummaging through my box of "college scrapbook stuff" as it is labeled, I actually did find ONE finished scrapbook.  This is the scrapbook I made for Matt for our one year "dating" anniversary.  So that would have been in October of 2003.

It was mostly hilarious and cheesy.  But one page stood out, by far, to me.  Let me retell the event I was documenting if you don't mind...

When I came home for Easter my freshman year of college, I made the most terrible mistake of asking my best friend, Sarah, to highlight my hair using one of those bleaching caps, where you pull the hair through one strand at a time and bleach it.  In my defense, I had a friend at A&M who actually successfully used one of these bleaching cap kits, but she was a natural blonde (I was not).

Also, I remember telling my mom my plans for that night, and that I was going to get Sarah to do that for me, and today I sit and wonder, "MOM, why oh why didn't you stop me?"  Anyway...

So, as you'd expect, it was a disaster.  And I didn't freak out much at first because it was really late on a Friday night, and I was totally exhausted.  But then I woke up on Saturday morning, and I saw the skunk-ish looking mess we had created, and I freaked out a little more, especially since I was going to be going to church the next day on Easter - sure to be seeing people that I hadn't seen since high school.  But, I knew that there were professionals out there who were supposed to fix these types of things... unfortunately, I didn't really know that "Tony and Guy" (in the mall) is not like super great at that kind of thing.  (Not trying to be snobby - nothing against Tony and Guy- they just aren't the people you go to during a disaster.)  Once again, I am not sure why I didn't get my mom to take me by the hand and assist me to a salon that could potentially do it right, but somehow on my own, I ended up at Tony and Guy, and when I left, I was BLONDE... totally blonde. No "highlights" or anything... just blonde.  At which point I went totally ballistic because the night before I was very brunette.

I'm not really sure where Matt was in this whole process.  I know that I was super disappointed that I had to spend the day on Saturday getting my hair fixed instead of actually hanging out with him, which would have been my first choice since we were dating long distance.  I DO, however, remember crying to him and freaking out after leaving Tony and Guy.  I also remember going over to his parent's house that night and feeling totally awkward because I had a new hair color and he had very obviously told them not to say anything because no one made a peep about my new blonde.  I felt totally self-conscious.  Looking back, I should have just embraced the blonde, but I was not so daring at that point in my life.  Or now. So anyway, back to the main point...

I don't remember how badly I acted that day about my hair.  I do remember that I skipped out on Easter Service- because obviously the way I looked at church was the most important thing on that day. JK.  And I remember crying a lot.  But nothing TERRIBLE.

So, back to the scrapbook.  I had a picture of myself w/ the bleach blonde and then a picture of myself with some at home brunette hair color in my hair (which I applied that Sunday- yes my hair took a beating that weekend).  And then I have written on the page a hilarious quote.  I wrote, "THIS DAY GOES DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE DAY YOU SAW ME AT MY WORST!"

.......

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Oh how young and naive I once was!  If only the worst my hubs had ever seen me was upset over a hair dilemma! How great that would be...

Now, obviously I was not referring to my worst appearance, but worst behavior.  Either way, I am pretty sure after three and a half more years of dating and five and a half years of marriage, that I can come up with at least ten situations where I have been ten times as badly behaved as I was on that day.  In fact, I can probably come up with ten situations that have been worse in just the past two years.  This post, where I have documented two of them, comes to mind.

Well that took longer than expected.  Thanks for letting me share and lasting to the end.

.......

P.S. I feel totally better from the stomach virus, but I am technically still supposed to consider myself contagious.  In case you were wondering.

Princess Leah goes to the hair salon

Yesterday I made a somewhat calculated and yet somewhat spontaneous decision to let my hair lady, Jenn, who I have come to trust, turn me into a very dark brunette!! She did what I told her, which was brown with some dark blonde highlights and possibly a few auburn highlights too. Except, of course, there are several shades of "brown" and terms like "some" and "a few" are relative. I would have liked a few more than "some" and maybe some less than "a few." Wait... nevermind. Let's just say my hair is DARK now, and maybe you can see where the communication error came into play. :)

Anyway, I decided that this could be an opportunity to not take myself so seriously. So instead of flipping out and crying, like I did several times in high school and college over really bad haircuts and disaster at-home coloring experiences, I am trying to embrace my new brunette status. I think I might have gotten smarter or something. Just kidding, blondies. (And for the record, I never even considered crying, which is surprising if you consider my hormonal status.)

Anyway, you might remember that after I get my hair done, it is my ritual to go straight to Matt's office to show it off and make him tell me how much he likes it. You will LOVE our conversation from yesterday.

Matt walks up to car. "Wow! It's really dark."
Leah: "Do you like it?"
Matt: "Yeah, I do. I think it will take some getting used to."
Leah: "You hate it."
Matt: "No, I don't hate it. I like it. It's the new Leah."
Leah: "So you like it?"
Matt: "Yeah, it looks good."
Leah: "You hate it."
Matt: "No, I love it."
Leah: "You do? Okay good."

Of course, let's be honest. That conversation was not the end of the saga, but the beginning. I asked him at least 50 more times over the course of the evening what he thought. Funny, he never changed his answer.

on the day when no one reads blogs

Happy birthday to MATT!!!!! My wonderful man is a whopping 2-6 today, and it's freakin' me out a little bit. So far I am really good at celebrating Matt's bday.

I brought him breakfast tacos at work (and of course picked up 2 for myself). Then I brought him a fresh, fast, and healthy SUB from Thundercloud for lunch. Of course I also had to stop at Chick-Fil-A to pick up a chocolate milkshake for myself before dropping off the T-Cloud. (I generously gave him a sip since it's his birthday.) And next to celebrate my prince charming, I will go get hair hilites. (And btw, that's the way the salon spells "highlights" so I left it.)

You might remember that usually after any sort of a hair appointment, I like to drop by Matt's office to show off the new hair. You might also remember that Matt has learned to flatter me and tell me how much he likes it. If you are really bored, I suggest re-reading those linked posts - they reveal a lot about our marriage.

Anyway, Matt knew I had an appointment today, but forgot what time it was so when I dropped by his office with lunch, he immediately commented, "Did you get your hair done?" I should have said yes to see how he'd react, but I told the truth since it's his birthday.

Another conversation we had as I was dropping off his lunch:

Leah (in a really excited voice): "HEY! If we dress up like cows on July 10th, we get a free meal from chick-fil-a!!!"
Matt (laughing/in a did you really just suggest that tone of voice): "Ummm, okaaaaaaaaaay."

I couldn't tell if he was down for that or not. What do you think?

On another note, I saw my friend from college, and fellow bloggy friend, Allison, at Starbucks yesterday. I'm sure the first thought to fly through her brain when she saw me was something along the lines of, "Funny finding you here." But she's a regular too. Is it a problem that I knew what drink she was going to order just from following her blog? Probably.

Back to celebrating this historic day of birth. Matt's getting off early to go play golf for his birthday, and I was going to try to be a trooper and ride around in the cart with him in the 1000000 degree heat, but then he found 3 other people to go with him, so now there's no room in the cart, which means I will have to take a nap in my air-conditioned house instead. Let me tell you how disappointed I am.

Well, that's all for now. I will try to stay more up to date on the blog posts. In the meantime, Happy Bday Matt! Happy Bday USA!

stuff they don't teach in marriage counseling

I got a haircut today, and it is the shortest it's been since I was 16. And if I remember correctly, I cried for a long time after that horrific haircut. But no worries.

So after she chopped it all off, I dropped by Matt's office to show it off to him, as is my custom.

Matt: (Sees hair) Oh, it's very cute! I like it a lot.
Leah: Do you like it?
Matt: Yes, it's very cute.
Leah: Does it make me look skinny or fat? (Don't judge!!)
Matt: It makes you look skinny.
Leah: Does it make me look older or younger?
Matt: Younger.
Leah: Good.

Of course I know that my haircut doesn't make me look different at all, but we've had some tension in the past when I've presented these questions. It used to go like this.

Leah: Does it make me look older or younger?
Matt: Umm. I don't know.
Leah: What do you mean? Do I look older or younger?
Matt: I don't know what you want the answer to be? Are you supposed to look older or younger?
Leah: Babe, there's not a "right" answer, it's just whatever you think. (Duh, he's smarter than that.)
Matt: Okay, older?
Leah: Really?
Matt: I don't know, younger?

Yeah. He wised up.

you gotta love matt

Matt is very well trained. Yesterday afternoon, I got my hair highlighted. Matt knows how excited I am every time I get my hair highlighted. I usually ask him like 10 times if he thinks it looks awesome, and every single time he humors me and tells me how much he likes it.

Well, this time, I wasn't finished with my appointment until about 7:30pm. It gets dark these days around 7:30. After I was finished, I called him to see if he wanted to go out to eat (because who the heck wants to cook with newly highlighted hair?). And to my surprise he was on board with that suggestion.

So I picked him up from home in the PT Cruiser (oh yes we still have it) at about 10 till 8, and it's definitely dark at this point. He hops in the DARK car, and the first thing he says (almost w/out looking) is, "Your hair looks great!" Ah ha! I caught him! "Umm babe, you can't see my hair. It's dark." Oops. Good try though. Don't worry, when we got to the restaurant he told me he liked it again.