Pictures from Jack's Day 1 and 2

Do you know what bored people in the hospital do?  They take selfies. How pitiful that this is the way we entertain ourselves these days?  Since there were not really many actual LABOR updates to send my interested followers, I figured selfies would have to suffice.  Remember my previous post- I couldn't concentrate on any one thing for long. 

Pitocin is in!

Happy Birthday Jack!  Also, thank you Lisa for being an awesome nurse!

Mommy and Daddy!

Henry and Sam in their matching big brother shirts before school. (Jack of course has a onesie to match!)

Sam came to visit while Henry was at school, and this was the very closest he would get to me.  He was a little standoffish!  We didn't let him stay for long. :) Sweet little Sammy.

Around 2 PM or 3 PM I complained of a headache, and my nurse let me have COFFEE and a popsicle!  She officially became my best friend after that. This was obviously selfie/text worthy, since there was nothing else text-worthy to report.  Hey, try not to be distracted by my extreme hotness in this picture.

This is my, "OH MY GOODNESS IT'S FINALLY TIME TO PUSH THIS BABY OUT" face!

And this is one of the first pictures of me holding baby Jack! (After all the weighing and stuff.)

Isn't he adorable?  Guys, he looks so different from Henry and Sam.  Really!  This one may ACTUALLY have some of my genes.

Henry couldn't WAIT to hold him!!!

The oldest and the youngest.  Look at my sweet Henry!  He has been SUCH a great big brother so far.  He is very interested in Jack.  Jack's a lucky fella.

Sam became more interested in Jack after Jack gifted him a very large cookie monster stuffed animal!  Sammy was soooo adorable when he first "held" Jack too.  We don't know WHERE he learned it, but he was talking to Jack in a sweet little baby voice.  Guys, I'm telling you it was soooo cute!

Matt was giving Jack his first father-son heart-to-heart.  Our kids always listen to him.

Hello handsome.  I'm in love with you!

Henry is in love with you too, Jack.  And so is Sam and Daddy. :)

We are SO excited to bring this little nugget home today! :)

Jack's Birth Story Part 2- Induction

Monday morning... (Sad to admit that I am already forgetting some of the order of events here.  Also I feel I must disclaim that this post is mostly for me, and those of you who like this sort of thing.)

So we get to the hospital to be induced on Monday, and I am really not feeling contractions at all.  Also, I feel completely calm, and my blood pressure was totally normal.  Thank you Jesus and thank you Jesus for lavender essential oil.

They do my first cervix check. I am at 3cm and (get this) not 75% effaced (like nurse told me the previous day in triage) but 30% effaced.  Interesting.  Had it not been my third baby, I don't think my doc would have even offered to induce at those numbers.  Jack was also sitting pretty high, a -2 station.  And before the pitocin, I was only having contractions like every 30 minutes.

So I'm thinking, whatever... the pitocin will work it's magic, my body will know what to do, and we will have a baby by lunch. But nooooo.

Pitocin goes in early around 8:30 or 9, and then after I feel about an hour or so worth of contractions, we order the epidural.  I forgot how awesome those things are!  Like seriously, they are so awesome. After the epidural the nurse checks me and I am still at a 3.5. (This is around 10 am ish?)  Disappointing much?  They pump up the pitocin a little at this point since I am not feeling any pain anymore.  And we wait around awhile.  Contractions start to average 5-7 minutes apart, but they aren't very strong and also not very consistent.  So this is a waiting game.

Around lunch, my doctor comes in and checks me and I am at a 4 and my cervix is not really effaced.  Wait, really?  Lunch is when I am supposed to have this child.  Not BARELY be in active labor.  Doc goes ahead and breaks my water, and we hope this will speed things along.  They continue to gradually increase the pitocin.  At this point I am starting to get nervous that this isn't going to end well... not because my doctor or nurse seemed nervous, but more because I am me.

The next time the doctor visits a couple hours later, I am STILL not far along.  Just progresssing very slowly.  Once again, this is my THIRD baby!? Aren't they supposed to come fast?  At that point, doc gets more aggressive and tells the nurse to increase pit every 15 minutes.  The nurse, who I really liked, deliberately disobeyed him. After he left she said, "No way. I want to make sure we give your body time to respond to each increase, and I don't think every 15 minutes is the safest."  So she tells me her plan is to increase every 30 minutes.  I asked her if I could sit in a sitting position instead of lying down because I felt like gravity needed to do it's thing, so we turned that hospital bed into a hospital chair (those things are versatile)!

Side note: I figured that my doc would probably not be staying past work time to deliver this child because for the last 16 weeks of appointments, he has been in and out due to complications with a surgery that he had to have on his foot.  He had been working reduced hours, etc.  At about 36 weeks, I resigned myself to the fact that he would likely not be delivering the third baby because of his own health.

Okay.  At this point (probably around 3 PM ish), I am a little more anxious.  Not necessarily that I think things will end poorly but more that I felt like my doc had me on a timeline and he was really wanting to me to have that baby before he left.  I guess I don't blame him.  Also, Matt's dad had to leave for a work trip at 6PM, and I was really hoping he'd get to see the baby before he left.  That hope was dissipating.

Turning point

I had been trying to stay away from my phone and text messages etc all morning, but I was bored and over the wait. I couldn't concentrate on a movie, a book, my Bible, or even TV... just couldn't concentrate. So I start texting with friends and asking them to pray and distracting myself with their humor and questions, etc.  It was lovely.  But then my nurse walked in and lectured me. Something to the extent of:

"Okay, I want you to put your phone down.   I want you to turn on some music, close your eyes, imagine holding your baby, imagine your cervix dilating and the baby moving down, imagine the baby breastfeeding.  This is very much a mental process.  Turn off your right brain that's over-thinking things and turn on your left brain."

While I have no confidence in my left brain ability, I was intrigued by the idea and probably needed to put my phone down anyway.  And I thought music sounded fun.  So I made a playlist with some songs that I thought my stir my emotions a little, and I sat and listened and closed my eyes.  I was having fun.

Anyway, the David Crowder Song, "How he loves" came on, and I started to pray.  Mind you, I have been praying but somewhat anxious all day.  But I sat here and listened to this song with my eyes closed, and I felt like God was reminding me of these truths I know, but that he wanted me to rest in.  One, that God LOVES me. Two, I can trust him. Fully.  I was praying, "I believe, help my unbelief." (Mark 9)  I confessed that while I want to trust him fully, and in theory, I trust him, the root of my anxiety was based on the reality that I just wasn't trusting him totally.  So I did it again... surrendered to whatever God has planned for me.  Something I'm learning I must do over and over and over.

What are you afraid of Leah?  Turns out this pregnancy has brought out so many fears.  (And I am already a bit of a catastrophic thinker.) Afraid you will die? Afraid this baby won't be healthy?  Hysterectomy? Anyway, I thought about all of those things, and then I left the truth of that song rest on me.  "He is jealous for me.  I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory.  I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me. Oh, how he loves us."

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil FOR YOU ARE WITH ME.  I have Jesus and so I have everything.  I gave it up and told God he can do what he wants with me.  I know he is good, and he is a loving Father, and he cares for me.  And when I got to that point of surrender, a weight was lifted.  I was happy.  I was excited and ready and relaxed.  "You keep him in perfect peace whose heart is steadfast because he trusts in you."

A little after this (4:15 ish), my doc comes in to check me (I was still only 5 cm), and he tells me that he has to leave for a Physical Therapy appointment and he would probably not be delivering my baby.  He let's me know about the Doc on call who would likely be delivering my baby.  I think his exact words were, "He's younger and better looking that I am, so you will like him just fine."

Okay, to be honest, when my doc left, I was relieved.  A tiny bit sad that he wouldn't get to deliver all three of my kids and feeling sorry on his behalf that he wouldn't get payout for this delivery.  But now I was no longer under a timeline.  And at this point, my contractions are FINALLY coming on strong and consistently.  So no more pitocin increase.  Now we were waiting, but things were actually progressing well. Finally.

All's well that ends well...

The way I was sitting (like in a chair) made it so that I couldn't really feel the sensation that I would need to feel to know it was time to push, so I got back on the bed on my left side, and I just waited.  Note: my nurse hadn't had another patient except me ALL day, and then right at the end she got another patient.

By about 5:30, we were making bets as to what time the baby was coming.  My mom guessed 7:30, but I knew it would be sooner.  I could just tell.  The next few minutes went fast.  And then I felt the pressure.  I was so afraid this baby would just come out on his own.  I called my nurse who was attending to the other patient, and I told her it felt like time.  She said to wait a few more contractions, and she'd be there in about 5 minutes.  So I waited, and she wasn't there in 5 minutes, and I was MAJORLY feeling like the baby was right there.  (OH BIG THING I FORGOT... this epidural was put in a loonng time ago, and while you can "self-medicate" every 6 minutes or so, I could TOTALLY feel things with this delivery waaaaaay more than before.  So my contractions were actually hurting me (of course not the way they would if I had NO meds, but enough to where I was actually breathing through them).  I called my nurse again and she didn't answer, but Matt said she was right outside the door.  She FINALLY got in there, checked me, and confirmed that it was time. (No duh.)  She skipped over the "practice push" because I told her that Sam came out in like two pushes.

PS even after "laboring" with an epidural all day, I started getting emotional when I heard the nurse call the doctor and other nurses and say, "Ms. Gibson is ready to push. Prepare for delivery." I love that feeling of excitement and anticipation about the baby actually coming into the world! I love it!

One Doc got there, we pushed through 1 or 2 contractions total.  I could FEEL it.  It was crazy.  And as with Sam, after the initial push I was told NOT to push again because they wanted to try to prevent tearing.  And before we knew it, Jack was HERE! 6:35 PM.  I held him immediately.

Anyway, his stats were 8lbs, 11oz (waaay bigger than my doctor's estimation, and way bigger than I thought I would ever deliver). 21 inches.  So my heaviest baby, and a little longer than Sam (20.5 in), a little shorter than Henry (21.5).  He is PERFECT! We love him.  He also looks VERY different than Henry and Sam looked.  H & S looked somewhat alike.  Jack has resemblance, but to me he looks totally different.  And I think he will have brown eyes.

While Matt and my mom took pics of him and attended to him, I got the shot they needed to give me to prevent the hemorrhage and (praise the Lord), my bleeding has been so minimal.

My next post I will put up some pictures and tell you more about our sweet little Jack.

Jack's Birth Story Part 1 - Fakeout

I want to write this all out before I forget it!

Part 1- You think by the third child you would know...

Last week I was having somewhat real feeling contractions all week. On Sunday morning I was woken up by a painful contraction.  Then I had some more about 10 minutes apart.  I have to admit that in the back of my mind I'm thinking two things: 1- When I arrived to the hospital to be induced with Sam, I was 100% effaced and 5cm along without ANY painful contractions. 2- Third child, coming fast.  So the contractions plus these two thoughts had me feeling pretty anxious.  I was trying to stay calm, but I went ahead and sent a "just in case" text to our parents.  Matt and the boys went to church, and I took a nap, and my contractions went away.  But after waking up, they returned again along with my fears of not getting to the hospital in time.  Matt told me he thought I should just call the on-call nurse for peace of mind.  So I did, and based on the timing of my contractions (even with intermittent pauses) + the fact that it's the 3rd baby, she told me to go into the hospital.

I really didn't want to go to the hospital.  Really.  I was pretty sure that this was going to be a false alarm, but at the same time I didn't want to be an idiot.  So yes, I'm the third time preggo who goes to triage in false labor.  When I arrived I said, "My husband made me call the on call nurse, and the on call nurse told me to come in, but I'm sure y'all will send me home."  We spent about three hours there and hear this- I WAS having really consistent contractions, 5-7 minutes apart. (And they were also concerned about my blood pressure, which I assured them was nerves.)  But the contractions weren't painful to me (some of them were, but mostly not), and after three hours I had not dilated.  The nurse told me I was probably going to be sent home, but she was iffy because I was at 3cm, which is the threshold from early labor to active labor.  Oh and she told me I was 75% effaced.  SO she asked me if I had a choice, would I want to go home or stay at the hospital, and I was hungry, and I didn't want to be hooked up to a bed all night, so I chose to go home. At the very least, we could tuck Henry and Sam into bed one last time and head back after that if things picked up.

I ended up having irregular contractions till about 8 PM, and then they really just started to die down.  I made Matt rub lavender oil on my feet because I was feeling nervous almost all afternoon and night.  PS A friend gave me some essential oils as a gift to me and Jack, and lavender oil is supposed to calm you down.  It worked!

So we go to sleep Sunday night thinking that all this activity today means that Monday morning's induction will look similar to our induction with Sam. (AKA fast.)  Jack had other plans...

40 Week Bump Update

Hi!  Of course I'm in the hospital being induced! It wouldn't be a true Leah labor without a blog post from the hospital.  So I figured I would go ahead and do my last bump update...(I wrote it a night or two ago and updated this morning.) Here it goes!

How Far along? 40 weeks.  Happy Due date to me!  P.S. the nurse at the hospital seemed so impressed that I waited all the way to my due date to be induced.  Yes, patience is my middle name.

Total weight gain? Check it out.  I shot up 5 lbs in ONE week at my last appointment, which I am going to call "water weight" because that is not possible.  I am blaming it on the MSG and sodium-laden Chinese food I ate for two days prior... not to mention Easter candy.  I haven't weighed myself at home, but I'm going to continue to say that I weigh the same at the end of this pregnancy as I did at the end of the other two.

Stretch marks? On Thursday I was thinking I might make it through this thing with no new ones.   On Friday, after a large slice of pizza for lunch, I had like three new ones.

Sleep? LOL. Bahaha.

Best moment this week? I have been treasuring up lots of sweet moments with Henry, Sam and Matt.  On Thursday night, Matt had a late meeting, and I was with the boys by myself.  Before bed we all shared what we were thankful for... or if you're Henry, we shared what we are "Thank you" for.  The boys named of several things, and since then, they've been wanting to tell me more things that they are thankful for all the time.

Miss anything? Non-maternity clothes.  I truly miss them.

Movement? Yes, and you better believe that when I don't remember the last time I have felt him move, I have the potential to work myself into a panic relatively quickly.

Food cravings? Food at this point is a means to an end.  What may possibly induce labor?  Pineapple? Yes. Dates? Yes. Raspberry Leaf Tea? Yes. Balsalmic Vinegar?  I'll take it. Jalepeños? Spicy food? Why not? The reality is that I am really not that hungry... but believe it - I keep eating.

Anything making you queasy or sick?  I have had on and off nausea and upset stomach for a week or two- which I typically interpret as a sign of early labor, of course.  Usually I get worked up about it for nothing and then as per usual, all is quiet on the western front.

Labor Signs? This is a tricky question.  Yeah.  There's been a couple of mornings or days when I have had regular contractions 10 minutes apart for two hours... and then literally nothing to follow.  And, you'd think by baby #3 I would know if I was in labor, but yours truly actually made a trip to triage at the hospital yesterday.  While I was having consistent contractions seven minutes apart, there was no dilation.  They asked if I had the choice if I would want to stay, but I was hungry so I went home.  Then last night there was nothing- no activity.  It was so, so weird.  (And btw, this morning, my contractions were only at about 30 min apart.)  At some points, things are so uneventful that I truly, truly wonder if I would EVER go into labor without intervention.  This by itself has made the last week feel like for-ev-er.  BUT the BIGGEST labor sign yet is the pitocin drip that is currently flowing through my IV.

Current Symptoms? This is a weird question.  Pregnancy symptoms?  Labor symptoms?  Other hypochondriac symptoms? How about pregnancy symptoms? Someone looked at my belly and said "wow" the other night.  So I think that means I'm pregnant.  Note to world: the word "wow" when looking at a pregnant person's belly is never appropriate.  (Trust me, I've done it.)  I guess the other symptom I am trying to manage is edema - aka the technical term for "swelling up like the Pillsbury Doughboy."  I am trying to manage this with TONS of fluids.  Which leads to the next symptom: middle of the night bathroom breaks.  Many of them.

Belly button in or out? Out, and you better believe that one of my new stretch marks is smack dab ON my belly button. Real weird.  P.S. Can someone tell me what is so offensive about a belly button that sticks out?  I have heard several people complain that they don't like it, and then a friend told me that you're supposed to cover it with a bandaid? Which I am absolutely NOT doing because I really don't understand what's so offensive about an outie?!?! 

Wedding rings on or off? Still off.

Happy or moody most of the time? Last week I would start the day happy and positive, and usually around 4-5PM I'd be bitter that I am not in labor.  WHY do I always do that to myself?  But then by 7 or 8 PM, I have resigned myself to the fact that it's not happening, and I am happy again.  Today, in the hospital, I am happy!

Anything else you want to share?  Based purely on my Instagram feed it seemed that the whole world was having babies last week.  Except me!  Baby Jack, it's your turn!!

Here's my last belly pic, and the last pic of our family of four.  Yall keep me and baby Jack in your prayers today!

Last night as mom of two boys and a family of four!

The day I become a mom of three boys!  Sorry it's dark!

not afraid to ask

This post is a little untimely since Easter was last weekend, but I wanted to flesh out my thoughts anyway.  I keep thinking about the prayer Jesus prayed right before he was betrayed and handed over to be unjustly convicted and crucified.

"Abba, Father, all things are possible for you.  Remove this cup from me.  Yet not what I will, but what you will."

It's almost baffling that Jesus prays this prayer when we reeeeeaally consider it.  The whole crux of redemptive history rests on Him, and what he is about to do has been set in stone since Genesis 3.

He's Jesus.  God's Son.  The fullness of deity wrapped in flesh.  Surely, we think, he knew what he had to do.  Surely he understood beforehand that he was going to have to die for the sins of the world.  So why even bother asking God to remove this cup of affliction? Why bother?

It seriously baffles me that Jesus was not afraid to ask his Father to save him from the whole dying on the cross thing.  Think about how much childlike trust it takes to pray that kind of a prayer.

Jesus is so honest.  We Christians can be so pretentious.  We try to start anticipating what we think God will do, or what we think he wants us to ask, and we forsake honesty in our asking.  Look at Jesus.  He is not afraid of being honest with his Father.  He is not afraid that God will reject him or be disappointed that he didn't just skip the "save me" part and immediately pray the "your will be done" part.

I think we are most pretentious and the least childlike when there are prayers we won't pray because they don't seem spiritual enough for us - or because we aren't 100% sure that we are asking for something God wants to give us.  Like maybe asking for safety.  Or asking God to help our kids play well in their soccer games.  Or asking for a parking spot.  Or even to help us get that business deal.

Jesus didn't skip straight to the "your will be done" part and neither should we.

Jesus is not afraid of making his Father look bad.  Hidden deeply behind my refusal to ask anything, especially impossible things from God is that I am afraid the answer will be no.  It's not necessarily that I am afraid God can't do it, but I am afraid that he won't.  Jesus wasn't afraid of hearing "no."  He wasn't afraid that a "no" would prove God wasn't trustworthy.  He wasn't afraid that a "no" meant God wasn't powerful.

I think about how he was hanging on the cross, and he's crying, "Why have you forsaken me?" (Also a very honest cry.)  And everyone was just waiting to see if God would save him.  And, from what anyone could tell at the time, God didn't save him.  God said "no" to his very own Son.

Jesus wasn't insecure about protecting God's reputation as his prayers and cries went seemingly unanswered.  And God wasn't really insecure about protecting his reputation either.

I met a friend this summer who often sees sick people or people in wheelchairs, and she believes that God has called her to go pray for their healing.  I can't say I've never ignored a prompting to go and publicly pray for a miracle.  You know why?  Because "What if God says no?"  I will look foolish and naive.  God will look powerless and untrustworthy.  There's so much fear that keeps us from asking the impossible.  On one hand we need to deal with the fear of what people think of us, but on the other hand, why in the world are we worried that God won't come through on behalf of his name? He most definitely will.

Once again, Jesus didn't skip straight to the "your will be done" part, and neither should we.  Boldly ask the Father for healing, for salvation, for the impossible.  Don't be afraid to do it in public, in front of your kids, in places where there is a real chance for embarrassment. (For that takes faith.)  If he says no, we're in good company because he said no to Jesus.  And if his answer to a prayer for healing is death instead, then we know that resurrection is coming. 

No act of faith is ever in vain.  We may not immediately get the answer we are seeking, but it would seem based on Jesus's example that our relationship with God the Father is meant to be about more than just getting everything we ask.  Prayer is about relationship more than it is about results.

I could keep going, but I will stop.  This is enough for me to chew on right now!

Decaf Shmecaf... and Pictures

Guys!  I know my insomnia posts are entertaining the heck out of you, but seriously... I got a little story for ya.  Monday night, my friend Katie and I went out late for a "decaf" coffee and gelato.  Come to find out on Tuesday... both of us were up ALL night that night!  Like Katie said to me in her text, "I'm calling BS on the decaf americanos."  What a nightmare!

I thought I'd share some pictures to document our life lately via the iphone aka our only camera.  On that note, do any of y'all have real camera recommendations?  I'm thinking I'd like to learn to take real pictures with a decent camera.

We have a video to go alongside this picture - Henry and Sam were pretending to be monkeys and Sam was pretending to sleep in our bed.  It was pretty sweet/funny.

Rodeo Day at school back in March. (Did I already post these? Maybe.)

Henry on the pony!  He loved it much more than Matt and I did at his age. (Pretty sure Matt and I both have photos we used in our rehearsal dinner slideshow where we are each nervously sitting atop a pony.)

Thanks to Melissa for a non-iPhone pic of the boys on their rodeo day at school!  (I may or may not have been getting a massage while this was taking place.)

This is our current setup of Sam and Henry's room, crib and all.  It's been working great so far!!  The only big change is that Sam cries at first when we leave him in that room by himself for a nap but goes right to sleep after a few minutes.

I think I put a picture of Sam in Matt's sunglasses sometime recently, so it's only fair that I put a pic of him in mine too.  This was while we were watching Henry's little after-school soccer practice!

Neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt!!

I spy Spiderman!  Henry and Sam all of the sudden LOVE to "climb trees" behind the tool shed in our backyard.  Seems boyish enough to me.  Henry has also been wanting to dress up as Superman/Spiderman, etc.  And he ONLY wears his superhero undies.

We had a tragedy one day when we forgot "Soggy" (Froggy) at mimi's house.  By tragedy, I mean that I totally expected Sam to just be fine going down for a nap without his frog, but NO.  The left picture is Sam in the car (entire carride) after I unsuccessfully tried to get him down for a nap without his froggy.  On the right is he and froggy reunited.  Froggy is our closest thing to an imaginary friend. (He eats, sleeps, plays, goes to school with Sam.)

Easter 2014 at the Assuntos!

Close up of mine.  Henry clearly loves having his picture taken.

Last but not least... I normally throw away artwork from church/school pretty soon after we get it... as I was going to throw away Henry's little Easter coloring sheet, I noticed on the back of it that he had written Sam's name - unprompted all by himself!  I thought it was so sweet that while he was at church he was thinking about his brother and writing his name!  I still haven't been able to bring myself to throw that paper in the trash! (Although I'm sure I'll find the guts, esp after this post.)

over the insomnia

Like seriously, I'm over it!  I'm not sure what time I woke up this time, but my guess is that I've been up since 2 ish.  It's 5:30.  And I've tried all my normal tricks to go back to sleep.  (i.e. spiking up the blood sugar with milk and cookies to try and make it crash suddenly, lavender essential oil, reading, praying, thinking about other stuff, breathing exercises, browsing the internet until I can't keep my eyes open anymore.)  What is not helpful is the fact that when I lay down (or actually, even when I am not laying down), I cannot breathe.  I thought this baby may have dropped some, but based on my lung capacity, he's sittin' high and mighty.  Is there a two-footer in my belly? Like for real. Scoot down, Jack.

This does not bode well for contentment efforts.  How fast can next Monday get here?  As many times as I remind myself that life and Jesus and happiness are not available to me next Monday but only right now in this present moment- as many times as I remember that beautiful truth and as many times as I feel the relief of believing it... well, the gravitational pull of my mind still leads me to thinking, "Body, can we just get on with this labor thing already?"  Why do I always think the future will be better than the present?


Okay, I've sat between paragraph two and three for about 20 minutes now without a coherent thought or sentence.  I may be finally falling asleep at 6 AM. Whoop. Laterz.

2 AM thoughts- bullet point style

Middle of the night greetings to you!  Don't feel sorry for me.  I knew that taking a 2 hour nap from 4:30 - 6:30 PM yesterday was a bad idea.  And of course here I am - after bathroom break numero uno - wide awake.  Tired, but awake.

As I was trying unsuccessfully to go back to sleep, a couple of things kept running through my mind, and I thought I would write them out.  Maybe if I put the thoughts out here, they can get out of my head and I will go back to sleep!  Let's do this thing bullet point style.

• Jack's middle name is going to be Matthew.  It didn't dawn on me until about fifteen minutes ago that while Jack means "God is gracious," Matthew means "Gift of God."  I am into name meanings, if you couldn't tell.  If we like the name but the meaning is terrible, it's a no go for us.   If we like the name and the meaning is good, then bonus.  (That's how is was for Henry and Sam.)  In Jack's case, we chose the name because of the meaning and the middle name because it belonged to Matt.  Double bonus that Matthew reiterates the meaning of Jack: grace and gift.  I just thought it was cool.

• This week is my last week with just me, Henry and Sam.  I really want to soak up my last few days with just the two of them.  The last days for Sam to be the youngest and not the middle.  (That by itself could make me weep if I thought about it long enough.) The last days that I can really give them plenty of attention.  They have both seemed to grow needier in the attention department the last couple of weeks - probably subconsciously because they realize there's a change coming, and that's been a little hard on me at this stage in the game.  But for this week, I'm gonna pray for energy and pony up and try to give my whole self to these sweet boys.  I love them a whole lot.

• I've been thinking a lot about prayer.  About how much I ask from God.  The answer is: not enough!  I feel like I'd love to take a whole post to flesh out the thoughts, but bullet point will do for now.  I think God, my Daddy, wants me to ask for more from him than I do.  Henry and Sam ask of me nonstop.  And sometimes the more I give, the more they ask and take.  I've thought before that their asking can sometimes draaaaaain the heck out of me, but I've also thought that I am so glad they ask!  How awful would it be if my children didn't even bother asking because they just assumed I would say no?  God wants me to trust him like a Father.  Part of this means asking much of him. I'll leave it there for now.

That's it for the 1-2 AM hour today.  Till next time!

I was just cruisin' along until...

You know you're getting to the crazy, insane part of pregnancy when you actually consider typing "When will I go into labor?" into the Google search bar.  So far I have refrained, but I'm not saying it won't happen.

For me, I was so content still being pregnant... literally, I talked to my doctor, and we decided that if my body is showing signs that it is ready, we will induce ON my due date, the 28th.  And I've been fine with that.

Until my body started doing weird stuff.  Like some weird feeling Braxton Hicks that kept coming.  And then all of the sudden my thoughts go from, "I can ride this thing out till next Monday" to "Is this it? Am I in labor? Will today be the day?"  If you want to know how to make 10 days of pregnancy feel like 60 days, the answer is to pay very close attention to everything that happens in your body and then try to figure out what it all means.

Also don't go to Google.  Once again, I think I have a subconscious (or conscious) fear that Matt will have to deliver our child on the side of the road.  Realistic since we truly live 5 min from the hospital.  I get on these forums and start reading stories like, "I didn't feel any pain until I was 8 cm!"  It doesn't actually help that I know THREE real live people who a) had hardly any labor pain until around 5 cm or b) had contractions that felt completely different with their second child than their first so they didn't realize they were in labor, or c) went from like 2 cm to 10 cm in an hour.

Okay, and late night insomnia is great for getting on Pinterest and searching things like "natural labor induction techniques."  As if I didn't memorize those in my last pregnancies.  And let's be honest, I am too chicken to try most of them.  Like I said, this is when the crazy, insane part comes out.

But if I'm being totally honest, this is the most sane I've been at almost 39 weeks. I think.  In the sense that EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT has not been "When is this baby coming?"  Thank goodness for other children, for friends, for stuff happening outside of myself so that I actually have other things to focus on besides this pregnancy. (Although you probably couldn't tell based on the blog posts recently.  Sorry, not sorry.)

Anyway, we had some yard guys come get leaves out of our shrubs on Wednesday, and the house deep-cleaning people just left my house (the ones Matt hired as an anniversary gift), so now the yard and the bathrooms and the ceiling fans are fresh and just begging for a newborn baby to arrive!! Yay!

Okay.  I'm done with the ramble.  I am so excited to celebrate Easter and have a laid back family weekend, and I am so excited to just ride out this last week because I have DECIDED that I will not live my last pregnant minutes in baby-psycho-anticipation-labor mode.  I never liked surprises, but if he comes early, I'll just have to deal with it!  Here's some preggo pics of me recently- for your pleasure.  You're welcome.

Jenna and Ashley hosted a little baby shower dinner for me and Jack. :)  Ash and I are due the same week.

Ashley and I showed up to Jenna's 30th Bday celebration in the same maternity shirt.  As you can see, light colors make me look like Frosty the Snowman a little more pregnant.

Last night we celebrated Sally and baby Abe.  Sally and I have had all of our babies (minus her very first) within about a month of each other.  She is due about 5 weeks after me this time too!  We were matching.  Also, I can't believe it's been like 8 years since I've known this group of girls!  Plus more for Sal and Amber.

Jenna's Bday Celebration!

I took this selfie to try to determine if Jack had dropped at all or not... but here it is.

Baby bump love.  Sally's looks like she just stuck a little mini-soccer ball in her dress.  Are you actually pregnant Sal?

Here's the original for good measure.  This is with Henry and Lucy!

Photo bomb in the background.  What are we doing?  Somehow I think I was supposed to be putting my hand on her belly, but we got this instead. ;)

Okay last thing and then I am really done.  If there's one thing you can count on when I am pregnant, it's that my hair color WILL change.  Maybe that's not ONLY when I am pregnant.  Nevertheless... about 6 weeks ago I went in for a hilight, which I thought was going to be my last hoorah before baby... but it got too light, so I went the TOTAL OPPOSITE direction, and am back to being a "brunette with dark blonde highlights."  I don't have much to say about that except that it happened... and it HAS happened in each and every pregnancy.  Truly.  Okay I'm done.

Happy Good Friday/ Easter!  Till next time.

my strength: a thankful mouth

Last weekend, I had a little list of the last few things I wanted to get done around the house before the arrival of number three.  Let me rephrase - I had a list of things I wanted MATT to get done around the house.  One of those things was hanging curtains... in like three or four rooms in our house.

Long story short.  I wasn't around when these curtains were being hung, but I had given Matt an 86" curtain and asked him to please hang the rod so that the curtains touched the floor. Aaaaand when I got home, he had done just what I asked, but I realized that my curtains weren't actually long enough, so the height of the rod was just barely above the window, and well - if you've been on Pinterest lately, this is just (supposedly) not acceptable.  Slash (I love writing out that word) we hung curtains high in our living room and I LOVE it, and I don't think I can go back.

So basically Matt had hung curtains in three rooms, but in two of them the rod was too low (my fault), and honestly at the time (on very little sleep - as I am now), I was frustrated!  Not with Matt, but just with the fact that he had put some decent time and effort into doing something for me that is not his favorite thing to do, and it was probably gonna have to be re-done. Ugh.

Insert growing opportunity.  Through my time in the Scriptures recently, I had been (and keep) seeing this theme over and over and over again.  "Give thanks in all circumstances" and "Whatever is praiseworthy, think about such things" and "[give] thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of Jesus" and "I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all your wonderful deeds.  I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name."

God is showing me I literally cannot do two things at once.  I cannot complain and give thanks at the same time.  It is not possible.  I can't think self-centered thoughts and think God-centered thoughts at the same time.  Even the slight rolling of my eyes at an unpleasant circumstance is a denial of his unfailing, providential love for me.

So last Saturday night, I decided to just push it out of my mind, and then I would see how I felt about the curtains in the morning.  I wake up, sit down to read my Bible, and all I could think about was those dang curtains!  My mind was just gravitating toward the negative... So I prayed for God to please help me, and then I opened my "Jesus Calling" devotional instead of my Bible (in all honesty because I was so focused on the dang curtains that concentrating on Scripture was proving to be a challenge).  I kid you not, this is what it said:

"When you focus on... situations that displease you {ahem, curtains}, your mind also becomes darkened.  You take for granted life, salvation... and countless other gifts from me.  You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until it is fixed." - Jesus Calling pg. 101

So I have literally been choosing to give thanks.  Sometimes it's easier than others, but I think that's why the Bible so often refers to our praise as "the sacrifice of praise."  Because you literally have to set aside your will, your thoughts, your frustrations and dreams and replace them with something that honors and delights God instead.

Now that God's been repeating this theme in my time with him for like three weeks, I can feel the constant tension in everyday life.

• Someone cuts me off in traffic - I can curse them ("What are doing, you idiot?!") or I can set aside my frustration, and give thanks... not necessarily for the fact that I got cut off but maybe for the fact that I am not in control and that even when I am getting cut off in traffic, my Father is even working that for my good.  
• Someone ignores, offends, or acts unlovingly towards me - I can ruminate over their wrongdoing and my hurt.  I can act like a victim. OR I can set aside the personal feelings of offense and pray for eyes to see them like God sees them.  I can ask for his love for them (a prayer, I am realizing that God LOVES to answer).  I can thank the Lord that even though I don't have unfailing love from every fallen human, that I have it from my Creator, God.
• OR if there's not really anything to think about, and my mind is in autopilot, I can switch OFF the autopilot - which typically gravitates to either past or future concerns - and instead choose to find things that are praiseworthy and give thanks.

The last thing I want to say is when we praise Jesus, our praise is SO POWERFUL.  Psalm 8:2 says, "Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger." (NIV)

Think about a baby.  A baby has no defense, no power at all.  And yet, God says that the praise from a baby's mouth can silence or still the enemy.  Praising God is literally a weapon.  On that note, complaining seems to breed more complaining.  Worship stops the crazy, downward spiral of negativity and anger.

So there it is.  We can't do two things at once.  The next time an unpleasant circumstance presents itself, let's be quick to bring Jesus the sacrifice of praise.  I have now been awake for four hours.  The end.

chatty preggo alert

I'm at a weird point in my pregnancy.  Like, I know that I cannot conquer the world - the world being my endless list of house and organization projects and lots of different social obligations.  Physically, I just can't do it.  Even emotionally I can't do it.  Items are slowly dropping off my to do list but not necessarily because they are getting done, but because I'm realizing "That's not really necessary," or "There ain't no way," and "Why did I ever put that on the list to begin with?"  There's waning motivation.

But then I'll just be putting away clothes and suddenly decide that RIGHT NOW is a good time to clean out and organize the file cabinets, or all the printed photos, or the CDs. On that note, can I tell you how unfortunate it is that Matt and I were in high school and college when Napster was popular/legal? SO.MANY.CDs.  If I am honest, many of them are future trash.

Yeah, so it's like my brain knows that I need to tone it down, but then the nesting instinct kicks in, and... end of story.  Generally speaking in the last few weeks, I have transitioned from "I have to get the WHOLE house ready" to "What are the few things I need to do to get ready for the actual BABY?"

Oh, and he's gonna be a bassinet/pack n' play baby, so guess what! There's really not much for me to do.  So I packed a hospital bag, and I think I'll just let Jack wear the same outfit home from the hospital that H and S wore - despite the fact that Sam got some sufficient spit up stains on the neck.  I have all the nursing and pumping supplies ready, so umm yeah, I think I'm pretty much ready.

Thanks to the pregnancy books and apps that I busted out for like the 2nd time this entire pregnancy, I remembered that I need a baby book or at the bare minimum, something to get Jack's footprint stamped on. I know I bought a book for Henry, which is currently upstairs in a box I have unofficially deemed my "scrapbook to do" box.  Oddly enough, however, I can't remember if I bought a book or just got something else for Sam's footprint.  Whichever it was, I am sure I could find Sam's footprint upstairs in the scrapbook box- along with other material dating back to- oh let's see... college!

But if I go up there, I will inevitably begin reorganizing that box.  And, to be honest, right now, I am content just letting that box be a closed mystery.  Although since organizing and trashing things and cleaning out seems to just be something I impulsively do these days, I'm sure that box will get tackled sometime in the next three weeks.  Have I really just spent two paragraphs talking about my scrapbook box?

Also, can we talk about the calendar?  First of all, at 37 weeks with Henry, I was pretty much just sittin' around with absolutely NOTHING on the calendar because those dumb books tell you that your baby can be born "any day" at this point.  Now it's more like - we have stuff scheduled ALMOST everyday leading up to my due date.  Don't the schedulers of all these activities like swim team and school sing-alongs know that I'm having a baby?!  (I kid.)

Oh, and as much as I do wish that the world would just stop and nothing would go on after April 28th, it won't.  So I even have things on the calendar AFTER my due date, which I most definitely did not after Henry OR Sam was born.  So weird to think that Henry was still at home with me all day everyday when Sam was born, and apart from my activities (mom's group through church), we basically had NO activities.  Times have changed.  Fortunately we have LOTS of help available after Jack comes, and the grandparents can help take Henry and Sam to their activities while I sit at home and deny that the world is still turning.

This is getting long, so I will stop.  Gee whiz, I feel like I have so much to chat about.  In honor of impending labor, I thought I would re-post my first pics with Henry and Sam.  Gotta get in the mindset over here.

This one was immediately after Henry was born.

Immediately after Sam.

There's nothing in the world like meeting and holding these precious babies for the very first time!  Cannot wait!  Okay, the end.  I will save some ramblings for future posts.  I'm sure I will need to talk to the air more than usual in the next three weeks.

37 Week Bump Update

How Far along? 37 Weeks.  This is officially a "term" baby.  Unfortunately, I have been doing what I always do, which is think that 37 weeks magically means that the baby could come any day, and that's just an RX for suffering.  What I need to do is 1- get emotionally prepared and then 2- stay busy and keep my mind off of when this thing may go down.

Total weight gain? At my last appointment, my weight stayed the same from the previous appointment, which means that I am pretty much on target to weigh what I weighed at the end of pregnancy #1 and #2.  Moral of the story: your body does what it is supposed to do because all of these pregnancies have been pretty different as far as my diet and exercise go.

Belly measurements? Umm, am I supposed to measure this?  All I know is that at my 36 week appt last week, my fundal height was exactly 36 cm.  If this question is asking the circumference of my belly, then this question is officially dumb.

Maternity Clothes? Yes, I am ready to burn them.  Thank you for asking.

Stretch marks? No new ones yet, but I am not holding my breath.  I don't remember exactly when I got them with H and S, but I know it's towards the end, and like I said, not expecting anything otherwise.

Sleep? I usually have two or three good nights followed by two or three bad nights where I am just up, meandering about the house, usually eating or doing something totally NOT worthwhile.  Or googling.

Best moment this week? Gosh, that's a tough one.  This past 37th week was a really good week.  I am really treasuring the family time we've spent reading books to the boys (in their shared bedroom) the last couple of nights.  Henry is really into the Jesus Storybook Bible, and Sam has been more snuggly.

Miss anything? Why, yes.  I miss not being pregnant.  I remember after Sam was born for a few weeks I would say out loud, "I'm not pregnant anymore!"  It was SO nice.  As much fun as it is to have a baby taking up residence in my abdomen, I know I will be so much happier to have him here... and things like walking up the stairs and bending over to pick something up off the floor will not seem so daunting.

Movement? Jack seems to be super active.  I told Matt that I don't remember the other two being quite so active, and he told me that he thinks I say that every time.  I do think I am in trouble, as he always gets fidgety as I am laying down to sleep.

Food cravings? Actually, yes.  In the second trimester, I wanted protein and veggies and fruits.  But NOW... now I just want carbs and cheese.  Really.  And hot food.  It's weird how all the stuff I was enjoying just a few weeks ago seems repulsive to me now.  So I've been eating WAY more pasta, pizza, and also more sweets and sugar in general.  Maybe the baby is sending signals that it wants to put on the LBs... so eat up mama.

Anything making you queasy or sick?  Yes. Here's the downside to the previous question - I feel sick after any and every "big" meal.  It's weird, and I don't remember this feeling in the 3rd trimester in my other pregnancies. Honestly, I think Jack may be sitting a little higher than the other two did... so he's bombarding my stomach space... large meals = I really do want to barf if I eat too much.  

Labor Signs? Really not much.  At my 36 week appt last week, there was no signs of progress.  I have the occasional braxton hicks, and some crampy feelings, but nothing to indicate that labor is nearing.

Current Symptoms? Sciatica/Nerve Pain... like it's AWFUL, braxton hicks, occasional acid reflux (but it seems to have gotten better), breathlessness, sleepless nights, back pain and I'm not sure if this is a "symptom," but I feel pretty absent-minded... like I can't concentrate on one thing for long.

Belly button in or out? Out, and Henry and Sam think it is so weird. I guess they're right about that.  

Wedding rings on or off? Off.   And I haven't even tried to wear a fake one this time.  I just walk around letting people think I'm the next teen mom.

Happy or moody most of the time? Umm, I am definitely sensitive and emotional.  I'm not sure.  I am not as moody as I was from about week 30-36, and I think that's because I know we are SO CLOSE.  But I am physically much more exhausted.  So I will say I am happy, with bouts of emotion that ranges from feelings of frustration and impatience to the aforementioned weepiness.
So that's that!  While I would be so glad not to be pregnant like TOMORROW.  I do not feel mentally prepared to have this baby yet.  I am praying that I would go into labor naturally (verses being induced), and I am trying to do what is not natural for me, which is wait on God's timing with contentment and patience.  Here's to three more weeks!  Tomorrow is my 37 week appointment.  Sorry I have no belly pic today.  I will maybe add it later.

the latest

¡Hola!  Since my posts seem to be fewer and farther between these days, I thought I'd just give a little update on my already-born children.

Sleep situation: We decided to move Sam's crib into Henry's room, and that has been great!  They are doing so well with the transition (after a week).  They go to sleep at the same time, and Henry wakes up a little bit earlier than Sam.  He knows not to wake Sam up, and comes downstairs when his alarm clock turns green.  Henry, my kid who always needs at least one other person around, LOOOOOOVES having Sam in his room.  Sam was initially apprehensive about the room-sharing, but has adjusted really well.

How they amuse themselves: The boys both really enjoy pretending to be dogs. (??)  I'm not sure if this is to compensate for the fact that most likely, we will never have one of our own.  But they follow each other around the house on hands and knees and bark like dogs.  It is funny.

Other things we are into these days: Hungry Hungry Hippos, Mousetrap, Paper Airplanes, Riding Bikes and Scooters, Swimming, and I am sure I'm missing tons in this category.

More on swimming: We put Henry in swim lessons back in January, and since Sam had no choice but to come along to watch, I went ahead and signed him up too.  Well, after 8 weeks, with some really great weeks (and many very stressful weeks), I asked for a refund on Sam's remaining lessons.  They agreed.  They said we had tried very hard and been patient, but that Sam was actually regressing, which by the way is code for absolutely not cooperating at all. This is so right in line with Sam's little sweet and sour personality.  The thing is, when we take him to Lifetime, he LOVES putting his head under the water and trying new things.  It's only when we spend the $$ on swim lessons that he decides it's a good time to refuse.  Naturally.  If we are giving Sam the benefit of the doubt, the swim lessons are smack dab in the middle of his would be nap time, which means 99% of the time he is exhausted during his lessons.

Henry's personality: Henry continues to be more on the shy/reserved/introverted side.  Situations with tons of people completely overwhelm him.  Case in point: our neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt.  He does not blossom in these settings.  He is naturally very shy, and to be honest, I am learning how to accept how he is made and parent him accordingly.  I could write a whole post on that alone.  You'd think that being a shy, introverted child, I would have some sort of insight, but it turns out I have just recently begun to accept some of the limitations of my own personality, so there's a lot of wisdom to be gained here.

Sam's separation anxiety phase: Sam has entered a new phase of clinginess to mommy.  I kid you not, that kid has wanted me to hold him more in the last 8 weeks than he had the entire year before that.  I read the other day that in these last few weeks of pregnancy, that I stop making as much progesterone and start making oxytocin, which is the mothering hormone.  Maybe you think I am crazy, but I seriously wonder if Sam is sniffing out that mothering hormone.  I'm telling you, he has been soooo clingy, crying when I drop him off at the gym and at school, after having not cried for months and months.  He wants my constant attention, wants to sit in my lap at dinner, etc.  And of course it's really sweet, but also a tiny bit inconvenient at this point in my pregnancy.  I am trying to be thankful and soak up these last days of Sam being the youngest.  Since he is normally so independent, it is sweet to actually have him wanting me.

Stuff they say: I could write a whole post on all the things they say.  I need to keep a running list because they both literally crack up up everyday.  Here's a few conversations:

After swim lessons the other day, Sam was tantruming, and I was using the IGNORE technique of parenting.  So we are riding in the car, and Sam is being ignored, at which point he starts screaming, "Mommy, you're not listening to me!" Over and over and over again.  Finally Henry chimes in and says, "It's because you're whining, Sam!"  Thank you, older brother.

I wasn't here for this one, but my in laws told me this story.  My mother in law, Henry's mimi was watching him and they were out and about.  She apparently asked him about 10 times before he got in the car to go home if he needed to go potty, and after telling her no, he was getting frustrated that she kept asking.  Shortly after that, Henry told my sister in laws (his aunts), "Sometimes when Mimi talks to me, I just get so BORED!"  We think he must have meant "frustrated" or something like it, but "bored" is what came out, and now it's a great story.

This post scratches the surface of what's happening with us.  Perhaps I can post more than one time this week.

In other news, three weeks till the due date, and while I am not "ready," I am just about done being pregnant.

and his name is...

Jack Matthew Gibson

You may remember that we named Sam at the hospital the morning I was induced.  We were back and forth until go time.  And while I never love loved the name Sam or Samuel before it belonged to my child, and it didn't just appear to me in the clouds (that would've been nice), after we chose it, we realized that it was the perfect name for our second born.  And now we love it.

That's why I was more comfortable this time just choosing, despite the fact that God did not send an angel to tell me this kid's name. (Gosh, Mary and Elizabeth had it so easy!)  I wanted to make up my mind and put an end to all the second guessing and analyzing because I know from experience that when the baby arrives, the name we pick will fit him perfectly.

Anyway, Matt and I had both settled on this name one night at dinner, and then I backed away from it for awhile.  So, here's what sealed the deal...

It means "Grace of God." And it's because no matter what God sends our way, good or bad, we know that it is working for our ultimate good, to make us more like his Son, and that is grace.  I actually explained this in greater detail in this post.

So the long story short is - I was driving home from the gym, taking my feelings of anxiety about the millions of things that could go wrong with the baby or my pregnancy to God in prayer, and the Lord reminded me of the sureness of His grace.  After that, I somehow remembered that a couple of our name options meant "Grace of God," and I sent Matt a text that said "John or Jack, you choose."

Jack is a nickname for John, which is also why they have the same meaning.  (And you should google how it became one - super weird.)  But I knew Matt liked both of them (and so did I), so I went "Love and Logic" style on my husband.  After a couple of days, we both settled on Jack as a first name.  Ah.  Step one complete.

After another month, we finally decided that his middle name should be Matthew.  This is mainly because we wanted it to have family significance like our other kids' middle names, but we aren't totally fond of most of the options remaining in that department, so daddy's name it is.

So there ya go.  We cannot wait to meet you, baby Jack. :)