Thankful: Day 24 [Your sins are forgiven!]

Happy Thanksgiving!  I think I have mostly recovered from the drama that went down yesterday, and this post will shed more light on that.  I think it just might speak to you, too, so if you feel like you are in need of grace, read on. :)  (Oh, and feel free to laugh at the previous post from this point on.)

I couldn't sleep this morning, and so I got up and started to read this book, into which I am only three chapters deep, but each chapter is so good that I've read them all twice.

 

God decided that he would be full of grace towards me, even just a few hours after I wrote last night's post.  When is he not full of grace towards me?  But you get what I'm saying.

Keller, in his book, is basically preaching through the book of Mark, and the chapter I just read was from Mark 2:5, Jesus tells a paralytic that has come to him to be healed, "Son, your sins are forgiven."  Keller has a brilliant commentary on the whole story, which was particularly fitting for me today, considering my severe overreaction to a bad hair coloring experience.  Without sharing too much detail from the book, Keller points out how we come to Jesus to get our problems fixed, and Jesus graciously chooses to first focus on solving our biggest, deepest problem - our sin against Him. 

I could keep sharing more about what Keller had to say, but as soon as I read those words straight from scripture, "Your sins are forgiven."  It was everything I could do to not pick up my computer immediately to share with you how thankful I am that it's TRUE!  Is there a better thing to be thankful for on Thanksgiving Day?  I do not think so.

Psalm 32:1-2 "Blessed (or happy) is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity..."

You see, what's is even more upsetting to me about the fact that my hair got screwed up yesterday is that I care way, way too much about the whole thing.  Quite honestly, I wish that I did not care, that I would not get upset, and that I could just laugh about it and move on and let Jesus be enough for me...  I hate that my overreaction points to deeper insecurities, deeper problems.  I hate that even though God has given me grace upon grace, victory upon victory in the vanity department (and he has), that I still can go ballistic like that.

So what does Jesus do?  Does he say, "You bad, sinful, brat you!  Don't you know that there's people out there who can't afford to eat on Thanksgiving, and you are upset about your hair!?"  No.  He tenderly, graciously comes to me in the morning, and says, "Dear child, it is okay. Your sins are forgiven.  I love you."  Ah. Forgiveness. Exactly what I need.

Oh, and then he proves it by living righteously in my place, dying in my place, and coming back to life.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

"God shows his own love for us in this, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation (or atoning sacrifice) for our sins." 1 John 4:10

So, on Thanksgiving Day, I am elated, overjoyed, BEYOND thankful that in Christ, I have redemption, the forgiveness of sins!  To the praise of his glorious grace!

Thankful: Day 7 [New Mercy]

I wrote the following yesterday...

---------------

Title: Ever just want to start the day over?

I interrupt my thankfulness series to share with you some lovely things about today.  Matt will vouch for me - I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  I do not want to be bothered.  It's mornings and days like these that I am SO easily bothered though - you know by just about everything.  Such as...

I woke up to find that the bones in my feet had disappeared.  Aka - Swollen.  This will probably (hopefully) get better, and has a lot to do with the fact that I ate a salty meal last night and didn't drink enough water yesterday.  Silver lining: swelling = I'm getting close to the end.  However, I wanted to puke every time I looked at my feet today.

Next, I get home from church to find out that my maternity jeans have a humongous hole in the crotch. I have no idea how long it's been there, but I work in the nursery at church, and I was definitely crawling all over the floor with babies, sitting "Indian style" (sorry, I know that's not PC), ALL morning long.  Nothing to make you feel better about 30 extra pounds than a hole in your crotch, huh?

Speaking of the church nursery.  I was in the baby room today, and we had SOOOOOO many babies.  And since babies don't know anything about daylight savings time or extra hours of sleep, those babies were TIRED.  And fussy.  And I did not have the baby touch this morning (aka they didn't stop crying).  And isn't it amazing that you can be holding something as sweet and adorable as a baby, but still have like ZERO patience when they just don't cooperate with you?  Don't get me wrong, I love those babies, but I was ready for church to be OVER this morning!

On top of this, I am bratty.  There are people God puts in my life that I feel like are a joy to love and serve - that I am excited to love and serve.  Then there are the people God puts in my life that are a pain in the butt to love and serve (just being honest)- you know, the ones that you just wish would go away, but God made them be your next door neighbor.  (And no, I am not specifically referring to my next door neighbor, or to anyone who would be reading this blog post...)  So yeah, I am no better than Jonah - and I have lots of Ninevahs.

It just spirals out of control from here... I don't want to hear Henry cry so I let him play with Matt's ipad for waaaaaay too long.  I get sciatic pain from pregnancy and I think I'm justified to spit out a cuss word in front of my 20 month old who, by the way, tries to repeat everything.  I want a cinnamon roll, and I end up eating one that has 770 calories in it.  (But of course I didn't look up the calories till after I finished it... you know, so I could dwell on it.)  Then when Matt gives me a look that says, "You need a new attitude like now," I look at him and basically explode with, "HOW DARE YOU TELL ME HOW TO ACT! WHY DON'T YOU TRY BEING PREGNANT!?"  Real attractive.

I know you guys think I'm perfect, and so this probably comes as a big surprise to you.  Whatever. This is just honest, and probably funny to some of you who know me better than others.  The point is that these are the days when I just want to start over.  These are the days when I know that I am a sinner, but I just wish that I wasn't because sometimes it just sucks to feel like a loser.  

-------------------

So today I am thankful for this:

But this I call to mind,
   and therefore I have hope
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
   his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:21-23)

I suppose it's days like those that God makes it so abundantly clear that I will never ever not be in need of Him.  And the reason it's so great to have new mercy this morning is NOT that I have a clean slate so that I can try harder and be better today.  It's not about me getting another chance, but about Him being faithful to keep His promises (in spite of me), day in and day out.  That way I know that when God shows up and does something cool in my life, it's not because of me.

Thankful: Day 6 [Jesus Better than Santa]

I went out and got Henry the "Christmas Classics" DVD with the old school movies such as Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, etc.  I mainly did it because Henry is starting to get really excited about snowmen (poor guy was born in the wrong city), and he made me sing "Frosty the Snowman" like 100 times in a row the other day.

So, naturally, the first classic we watched was Frosty.  You probably don't remember, but Frosty has a magic hat, and long story short, there's an evil magician who tries to melt Frosty because he wants that magic hat.  But SANTA intervenes.  He saves Frosty from the magician by telling the magician that if he hurts Frosty, then Santa will never bring him any presents again.  AND, if he wanted to get any gifts on Christmas morning (which was the next day in the story), then he better go home and write, "I'm sorry for what I did to Frosty" 100 times.

In other words, if you are naughty, pay back your debt by feeling and proving that you are sorry, and then Santa will reward you with Christmas gifts.

How thankful I am that God doesn't work that way!

Ya see, I was on the naughty list with no way of getting to the nice list.  Jesus was on the nice list, but he chose to erase my name from the naughty list and put his name where mine was.  Then he wrote my name on the nice list where his was. Now I get all the benefits of being on the nice list.  Talk about a great Christmas gift!

We have a debt to God we could never pay back, so He sent his Son to pay it for us!  Even if we tried to pay our debt by feeling sorry enough for hurting Him, we would always fall short - our best efforts are always, always, always completely lacking, completely incomplete. Only God could completely pay our debt. He did, and now we get the benefits of being children of God!

Thank goodness that the way we get good with God is NOT by any of our own doing, but by trusting that Jesus became sin on our behalf so that we might become the righteousness of God in him.

So today I'm thankful that Jesus is way better than Santa Clause.  And, no, I'm not a Santa hater.

Thankful to Whom?

I'm like 50% sure that title is supposed to read "Whom" and not "Who." So clearly that's not very sure, but I'm not willing to look it up right now.

Figured I should just go ahead and clarify that when I am saying that I am thankful, I am not thankful to the Universe, or to chance, or to something ambiguous like that.

So when I say I am thankful, I am thankful to God, the Creator of all things, the Giver of life and breath and EVERYTHING.  The Bible says that every gift is from Him.  And for those that love God, even suffering is a gift because He's working all things together for good.  It's great... there's no limit to what I can be thankful about... something as small as Halloween candy, or a good parking spot, or something big like salvation or even suffering of any and every kind. 

I think God probably likes it when we acknowledge Him in all of these things.  :) Thanks for letting me clarify.

Thirty Days of Thankfulness: Day 1 [Everyday Gospel]

Since it is officially the month of Thanksgiving, and since I would like to be intentional about giving thanks in all circumstances, I figured it would be fitting to do a 30 day thankfulness series for each day of November.

So, today, I am thankful for... an everyday gospel.

What do I mean by that?  Usually, when you hear the word "gospel," if you have grown up in church, you think "way to go to Heaven when you die."  We cheapen the gospel to this: God is holy, man sinned, God sent Jesus to die and be raised for sins, and if you believe that, you go to Heaven.

So sure, the gospel is not less than that, but if that was ALL of it, then it's no wonder there are so many who call themselves Christians who have no joy, no power, no peace, no fruit in their daily lives.  There's a big disconnect between today and eternity if the gospel is just the way to go to Heaven.  And, if that is ALL of it, then no wonder unbelievers mock those who preach that there is nothing more to it.

The actual "good news" of the gospel is that right now, I am reconciled to God because of what Jesus did for me.  Today, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  Today, I am set free from sin, from anxiety, from fear, from slavery to this world.  Right now, because of the gospel, my heart is set free to live for the God who is worthy of my life.  Heaven is an extension of the work that the gospel has accomplished today.

Ultimately, the gospel is about how Jesus made it possible to be near to God.  Heaven is heavenly because God is there.  But God is also here, today, and we can have confidence to approach him if we have trusted Jesus who became sin on our behalf and gave us his righteousness, so when God looks at us, he sees his perfect and beloved Son.

That's what I mean by an everyday gospel, and that is what I am thankful for today. :)

not to us, not to us...

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory,
    for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!"  Psalm 115:1

That is perhaps one of my most favorite verses in the entire Bible!  It's so easy to make our lives about being a certain type of person.  We long to be great and to do great things.

But there is nothing more freeing than losing my desire to be great and living to exalt the one God who actually is GREAT.  Only then, when we are nothing and Jesus is everything, will we ever be able to truly do anything "great."  And all glory will be His.

10 ways to be miserable and angry

Surely there are 1000 ways to be angry and miserable, but I just thought I'd give you 10.  Enjoy! In no particular order...

1. Take everything personally. Because, after all, people definitely make most of their decisions with you in the forefront of their mind.
2. Try to be perfect.  Then, dwell on all of your imperfections because it will definitely make them go away.
3. Expect other people to be perfect.  Then, dwell on their faults, especially those of your spouse and family members. Then, try to change them.
4. Don't acknowledge God or do what he wants.
5. Spend a lot of time thinking about all the things you want that you don't have.
6. Compare yourself, your life, and your accomplishments to other people regularly.
7. Dwell on the past and especially on what might have been if only you had _________.
8.  Complain as often as you'd like... preferably very often.
9.  Carefully guard your time and money, being careful not to volunteer too much or give too much attention to other people's needs.
10. Don't share the gospel. Keep Jesus to yourself.

Hope I gave you the tools you need to be miserable today. :)

Love,
Leah

want what you have...

Hola peeps!  I'm kind of excited right now because Henry just went down for his nap, and my first course of action wasn't to jump straight in my bed.  (Don't worry, if this post doesn't take his whole nap time, then I'll be headed there eventually... cause, well, why not?)

Four months from today is baby #2's due date!  We all know how that went last time, so I'm not gonna plan on him actually getting here any sooner than that.  I might just try to tell myself his due date is the 16th instead of the 9th so I won't be disappointed when the kid wants to overstay his welcome.

Anyway, none of the above is what I wanted to talk about today, but I really wanted to share something totally different.

Do you ever feel like the Lord is just pounding you over and over again with a theme - something specific He really wants you to do, learn, or understand?  Well, it took me about 1.5 years (or 18 months in mom language) to realize that God's been doing just that to/in/for me...

The theme = contentment and/or thanksgiving.  They really go hand in hand.  But it all started with the book "A Praying Life" which I started to read the day AFTER Henry was due because I needed to pass the time thinking about something other than downing castor oil.

Anyway, in that book the author quoted the verse 1 Thessalonians 5:17 OVER and OVER again, which said, "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  For some reason, that word really has stuck with me over the past 18 months and I think about it all the time.

Next. You remember when I shared this post about Leah and Rachel - all about contentment.  Once again, God used his word and a gifted teacher to highlight this whole contentment and thanksgiving thing... how it might have possibly been missing in my life, and how I was looking for satisfaction in things other than Him.

The next two ways God has spoken to me are even more awesome because they have been through CDs and DVDs that I've been playing in the car to entertain HENRY!  Without going into too much detail, one song on a CD is all about being thankful.  And then the latest, a Veggie Tales DVD has a story about a "very BLUE berry" who is so sad that all of her friends and neighbors have nicer things than she does, so she goes to "Stuff Mart" to buy whatever her heart desires, but then realizes that "a thankful heart is a happy heart" and decides to give thanks for what she has instead of trying to get everything she doesn't have.

It doesn't end there!  I recently ordered the book "1000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp from Amazon.  I ordered it because I had heard it was good, but I really had no idea what it was about - and I definitely didn't know it was a Christian book... on the very subject of thankfulness.  And it was soo, soo good.  (Side note: She writes very poetically, which is sooooo not my style, but I was able to look past it because the content was so great.)

Oh and how could I forget the little devotional book my mom gave me for Christmas that is filled with the themes of thanksgiving and contentment.  Not to mention - the Bible.

My new years resolution was to replace complaining with thankfulness.  Which, let me just say that grumbling = sin, and thanksgiving = the will of God for me... so yeah, that should have been a daily resolution, but oh well.

It wasn't till I picked up the 1000 gifts book that I was like, "Oh, goodness, Lord, it looks like you are trying to teach me something here!"  Dumb dumb, Leah.

Until now, I always gave thanks as a response - I was more of a passive thanks-giver.  I was passively content, assuming I had everything I wanted.  But what God has been doing is showing me that thanksgiving and happiness is an active CHOICE, and they aren't limited to circumstance because God's PRESENCE is not limited to circumstance.  Giving thanks is a way of seeing Jesus in all circumstances and letting Him be enough for you...

In the garden, Eve did not look at all she DID have, all that God had given her.  Instead she looked at the one thing she didn't have.  Discontentment and the lies that fuel it are the very cause of the fall.

So what are the things that you are looking to for contentment?  Surely there are a gazillion.  I truly hope that you and I both can replace our discontentment with thanksgiving and watch God work miracles as a result of our choosing to see His constant love in our lives.

I could totally keep going, but I think I've written quite enough.

you can't do it all

You've probably heard the popular phrase, "God won't give you more than you can handle."  Is that true?  If God never gave us more than we can handle, why would we need to depend on Him?

I might, in fact, argue the opposite!  God ALWAYS gives us more than we could possibly handle on our own. (Not more than our faith in Him can handle, but more than our own strength could handle.)

He did it with Israel.  He gave them the law.  Why?  So that they would realize how incapable they were of keeping it on their own and turn to Him instead.  He gave them more than they could handle so that they'd realize that they need a Savior, Jesus.

Since we are not God, our plates are always filled with more than we can handle, whether we realize it or not.  This is God's grace - so that we'd stop trying to pretend that we are gods and that our strength is sufficient and that all things are in our control and that we have all the resources to make things happen.  He gives us far more than we can handle so that we would turn to HIM, the One True God, who is all-sufficient, all-powerful and whose resources are truly infinite.

So he gives us trials, he gives us insanely busy schedules, he gives us demands that compete with each other, he gives us sickness. He gives us a Standard of righteousness that we could not ever meet.  What is out of your control at the moment? What is causing you anxiety?  What are you constantly failing at?

God has given this to you as a GIFT so that in your weakness, He could be strong.  He has given me these things as a gift so that I would cease my silly striving, know that HE is God (not me, not anyone else).  He will be exalted in our weakness!

Wednesday Wisdom

It might be the last hour, but it's still Wednesday. ;)

I am introspective to a fault.  It's really easy for me to see my own problems and issues.  And it's really easy for me to figure that I am usually the one at fault... This is good and bad.  It's good because I have almost no problem accepting the truth that I am a sinner and that I am in need of Jesus... I feel the truth of that every single day.  It's good because I usually feel the need to fix my own attitude before expecting other people to change.

But this is also bad because after "discovering" these issues, I have trouble looking OUT and AWAY from myself (to Jesus), which is exactly where help for all these "issues" is found.  So, I tend to spend my energy trying to fix myself.  An impossible feat if I might say so myself.

What if instead I spent my energy fixing my eyes on the One who has already clothed me in righteousness and made me whole?  What if I stopped thinking about everything I lack and all I need to do and started being thankful for how God has made me whole and how He has done it ALL!?

For me, it takes a heavy dose of faith to let Jesus carry the burden of my sin and shortfalls.  To fix my eyes on Jesus instead of my own problems takes faith because it almost feels like I am just ignoring my own sin.  But that's not it at all.  I am trusting God to justify the ungodly (myself) apart from works.  I am letting the sacrifice of His Son do it's saving work in my life.

The other reason I tend to feel afraid to take my focus off of myself is because I am afraid some sin will go unnoticed, but this is also a lack of faith.  God is the one who convicts us of sin.  Without God, my vision is distorted - there is no way I could accurately judge my own actions and attitudes by introspection alone.  Once again, if I look to Jesus, I can trust that he will graciously and gently keep his promise of purifying me.  Also, if I am constantly judging myself, how can I be worshiping and trusting God?

I feel free-er just thinking about not thinking about myself!!  Woo hoo!

So, there is a nugget for you.  Although it seems like I am a black sheep - 95% of the people in my life are not introspective at all- so there's a good chance this may not apply to you.

How do I know?

I wonder how many people out there wonder if God loves them.  Because I know a lot of times it might not FEEL like God loves you.  And while feelings are not always true, they are very real.

I remember when God first revealed this awesome TRUTH to me-  the proof of his love.  It is Jesus Christ, crucified on the cross, for my sins.  I remember thinking, "How do I know God loves me? Because He sent his Son to die in my place!"  If I ever doubt his love, I only need to look at Jesus.

There have been times since that initial revelation of his love that I haven't always "felt" like God loves me.  In those times, even though my feelings may be real, I must (and you must!) remember that those feelings are NOT true.  But if I fix my eyes on Jesus, hanging on a cross for me- the true AND real proof of God's love for me - then eventually, my feelings will follow.

And you know, it's kind of addicting.  When you realize how much God really does love you... you just get obsessed with the cross (the place where he displayed that love).  But, most likely, the feelings and the obsession will come second.  The choice to believe it and the mind-changing come first.

Ah!  How much God wants us to know and believe that he does love us! Let us fix our eyes on Jesus...

inspired...

Last Wednesday night I said to Matt very enthusiastically, "Babe, last night's episode of The Biggest Loser was really inspiring to me!"

Ironically, I was also making myself a milkshake when I said that to him.

No wonder he thought I was kidding.  But I was serious.

On that note, can I just say that I have now run 5+ miles for the last three days in a row?  So, you see, I really was inspired.  Also, my legs hate me a lot.

I'm not going to lie, the last time I really logged some serious mileage was like May of 2009 - before I was preggo w/ Henry. Since he's been born, I've maybe ran 6 miles here and there, but nothing consistent... as I have averaged about 1 workout a month.

So, anyway, it feels good to actually work hard.  It feels good to feel pain in my legs and to make myself keep going because I know that I can.  I haven't done it for a long time, and in case I didn't already mention it, it feels good.

I know what you're thinking, "Leah, is that you?  Did someone hijack your blog???!"  I promise it's me.  (If you want proof, I am drinking a milkshake as we speak this very moment.)

Anyway... if you're wondering what got into me, so am I.  But I'm not gonna lie, The Biggest Loser was REALLY inspiring this season.  How so?

It's not really the weight loss that inspires me, but seeing people do things that they didn't think they could do.  And seeing how as the season progresses they talk about feeling like they are finally alive after just going through the motions of life for years and years.  They talk about change on the inside that's affecting the change on the outside.  I don't know, it just actually really encouraged me.

It makes me think, if they can do it, I can do it.  Whatever "it" is.  So here's to inspiration!

Now or Never

That's my new motto.  Or it was this morning at 5:30 AM when I thought it would be a good idea to go to spin class with all the crazy spinsters.  But while I was peddling on that bike after no sleep and after not having set foot in a spin class since summer of '09, the song "Right Here, Right Now" by Jesus Jones came into my head.  (Yes, I had to look up the artist. Yes, I only know two lines in the whole song.)  And I began to think deep thoughts about how, really, all we have is right now, the present moment.  That's something I need to remember more often because, you see... I tend to be a procrastinator.  LATER is like my favorite word.

Later I will...
get back in cardiovascular shape
clean up dinner
make friends with my neighbors
try to resolve my problems
finish my 10000 scrapbooks
be a part of solving the world's problems
give more energy to seeking the Lord
put forth effort in important relationships
share the gospel with people that don't know God
eat healthy
save more money
give more money

But right now, let me eat cookies, watch Seinfeld, leave the house a mess, go straight into my garage so I don't have to talk to my neighbors... You get the idea.

But right now is all I have.  God gives us the joy of His presence one moment at a time.  He gives us help and grace in the present moment to do the things that He has created us to do in that moment.  Right now is all the time that I am given.  Tomorrow does not yet exist and may never come.  So really, it is now or never.  Don't laugh... it's true.

Thanks for letting me share my spin-class-induced thoughts.

giving thanks

So, I have started a new habit.  Being thankful... I have started to say out loud the things that I am thankful for.  Or I write them down...  So, even when I don't FEEL thankful, I am practicing the discipline of giving thanks.

Here's some reasons why... (in relation to "material things.")

1- I've noticed there's a tendency of mine and of people in the church (maybe just my church, who knows) to feel guilty about their stuff, their blessings.  Almost like it's bad to have stuff.  So we give things away and sell things because we feel like we are spoiled or something.  (I'm all for radical generosity.)  The problem is that I don't think God wants us to give out of guilt... or walk around feeling spoiled and bad about the fact that we own a car and a house...  Plus, what does our sacrifice of stuff even mean if we are only sacrificing so that we don't have to feel bad about being blessed?  If we are thankful, our giving is much more enjoyable and meaningful.  So, instead of feeling like I don't deserve anything I have... or feeling like I "should" just (legalistically) give it ALL away... I'm starting with the "sacrifice of thanksgiving." (That's quoted bc it's somewhere in the Psalms.)  I think God will take it from there.

2-  Next.  The other tendency of mine (yes, at the very same time as #1) is to wish that I had better stuff, ie a bigger house, a different car, my pre-mom body.  (If you want to use an ugly word, it's "coveting.") But of course because of what I previously mentioned up in #1 I wouldn't necessarily feel the freedom to just go chase after that stuff... get what I mean?  Plus, I am commanded to be content.  So, my solution when I start to think about how convenient a minivan would be and how convenient it would be if we lived in a different neighborhood, I stop dead in my tracks and start finding things about my current car and current house to be thankful for.  I say thanks to God, in faith, believing that he will give me a thankful heart as I continue to choose to be thankful.

So, the end result of all of this in my life right now feels like FREEDOM.  The freedom to enjoy the things that God has blessed me with, the freedom to give them away in a second for the sake of the gospel, the freedom to ask God for more while being content with what I have.


Of course, my stuff is the least important to me, and the things I am most thankful for cannot be bought or sold.  But this is just one aspect of thanksgiving that is really impacting my life right now.

Good Friday

Forgive me for skipping my family profiles two weeks in a row now. In honor of Good Friday, I wanted to share the following video. The dude talking is Matt Chandler, an extremely gifted pastor at The Village Church in Dallas. I frequent his podcast. (Forgive the alignment problems.)



Isaiah 53 - A Prophecy About Jesus, the suffering Servant.

1 Who has believed what he has heard from us?
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
2 For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
5 But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
yet he opened not his mouth;
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth.
8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away;
and as for his generation, who considered
that he was cut off out of the land of the living,
stricken for the transgression of my people?
9 And they made his grave with the wicked
and with a rich man in his death,
although he had done no violence,
and there was no deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the will of the Lord to crush him;
he has put him to grief;
when his soul makes an offering for guilt,
he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
the will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.
11 Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied;
by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
make many to be accounted righteous,
and he shall bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many,
and he shall divide the spoil with the strong,
because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors.

caution: long but good

Try telling someone who is not good at admitting failure that they aren't good at admitting failure. Tell me how it goes for you. In the meantime, let me tell you a little story.

"Once upon a time [ahem, now], Matt and I were leading a small group in the Nearly and Newly Married class at the Austin Stone. We would meet with our group on Sundays and Wednesday nights. Sunday was a combination of teaching and discussion. The format was usually teach, discuss, teach, discuss...

One Sunday [or possibly yesterday], the topic of teaching was Love and Respect, based on Ephesians 5:33. The main premise of the lesson was that women primarily need love and men primarily need respect.

So our teacher, Evan, taught on a woman's need for love first, and then he gave us about 10 minutes to spend in group discussion. (Note that discussion time was usually interesting for Matt and me because apparently I had a control problem that should have been discovered a long time before it actually was.)

On this particular Sunday, Matt was leading this discussion time and doing a great job. But at one point, I got nervous about what he was going to say next, which caused me to abruptly interrupt him in a very awkward, public, and obvious way that totally embarrassed him. It was a big and terrible mistake on my part. And it was awkward for everyone!

So, you know how when you do something humiliating like that, you start to feel hot and sick to your stomach and just awful? Well tack that feeling onto the next topic of teaching that day, which was "a man's need for respect." OUCH! And tack onto that the very emphatic admonition, "Ladies, it really, really, humiliates men to be disrespected in public..." You're killing me here, man!

So on that day, I immediately apologized, but instead of believing Matt when he told me that he had forgiven me, I felt the need to apologize at least 100 times over. On top of that, I continued to get the hot flashes of humiliation each time I replayed this scenario in my head. The end."

Fast forward to this morning, when I am talking to my best friend, Rachel, via g-chat. Rach isn't shy about telling the truth. Our conversation went something like this:

• Leah: (Tell humiliating story that I just told you.)
• Rachel: Well, it was good that you made a mistake in front of your group, now they know you are real and not perfect.
• Leah: I'd rather be perfect.
• Rachel: I know you would.
• Leah: What does that mean, Rachel!? (I know exactly what she means, btw.)
  
• Rachel: Well, we'd all like to be perfect in public, but I think that you don't like messing up more than most people because it's hard for you to admit when you are wrong.
• Leah: (Laughing to self and thinking, "Wow, my mom and Matt would both agree with you.") Thanks, butt-face!
• Rachel: Hmmmm, I really struck a chord there- ya think?
• Time passes...
• Leah: Yes, I know I can be stubborn, but can we distinguish here? I will admit that I am wrong, but I just hate admitting it more than the average person. (Can you see me having trouble with this very thing?)
• Rachel: Okay, yes, that is what I meant. (Being very gracious.)
• Leah: RACHEL! Now I have to deal with the fact that I suck at admitting failure... which is a failure that I have to admit...why are you doing this to me!?

God bless friends who speak truth to their most obstinate friends.

Yes, I'd like to believe that I am a wonderful and perfect person, instead of a weak and imperfect sinner whose only hope is to receive forgiveness. However, I can see it is actually more arrogant to continue to apologize and obsess over mistakes because it shows that you can't get over the fact that you might possibly be the type of person who could do such a silly thing.

Ahhh! "Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" And also special thanks to Rachel today!

weekend entitlements

This whole fasting thing has served to uncover a lot of unfounded principles that I unconsciously live by... and it's only been 3 days. Unfounded principle # 1? On the weekend I am entitled to eating and doing whatever I want, no matter how explicitly counterproductive it is.

Think about it. During the week, abstaining from unnecessary pleasures is really not that difficult because you're in productive work mode. But come Friday around 4 or 5, what do you want to do? Relax, indulge, be totally listless and not feel guilty about it. Yes, it is much more of a chore to abstain from dessert and Facebook on the weekend. (I didn't want to admit it, but I made Matt change my FB password. It is really that bad.)

Surely there are several reasons why so many of us voluntarily sell ourselves into the weekend trance.

But today, thanks to the fasting, instead of living in this typical hypnosis, I have a clear mind. This clarity makes me more inclined to worship the Lord, to pray, to consider what my purpose will be for the next 10 minutes and the next 10 years. And I do, in fact, feel happier... for what it's worth.

So, these weekend activities are gifts, not entitlements. And as soon as I begin to feel entitled to anything, I become a slave to it. Perhaps there is truth to the 80's song, "Everybody's working for the weekend." My unsolicited advice? Work for the Lord; let the weekend work for you.

Christmas

I'm remembering this year the way that God displayed his love for the world. If you ever want to know how you can know that God loves you, think of what happened on Christmas.

"In this the love of God was manifest among us, that God has sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him." 1 John 4:9

Amen and Amen!

whatever it takes!

I spent some quality time with the Lord this morning, and as I was with Him, this sentence sort of spewing out of my heart without fear, "Whatever it takes, God! Whatever it takes to please you, to have more of you... I'll take whatever you've got for me."

God doesn't call his people to easy things. His word is clear. Those who desire to live a godly life WILL be persecuted. (2 Timothy 3) We are called to get our hands dirty for the sake of the gospel.

"Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?" (Isaiah 58)

Light has to invade darkness. God is calling his people, his light, to invade the darkness. We have to take the light of the knowledge of the glory of God go to dark places and to dark people.

The call of the gospel puts a lot of things at stake: your health, your reputation, your safety, your dignity, your life. Let's not be naive; it's a scary thing.

But there's something else that's much scarier to me. Losing the favor and presence of God. There's nothing worse than that. As long as I have God, I have everything I could ever need or want. I'll take God at any cost.

I KNOW that there will be times in days ahead that this will be much harder to say than it is right now. But I believe God is going to continue to pull us through the friction of those times until we arrive again at this resolve: "Anything for more of You." God can do ANYTHING with that heart.

Things to take away from this:

1. If you don't presently feel like you're able to give everything for God, but you know and believe that He is worth it. Pray. Pray. Pray! Pray the prayer in Mark that says, "I believe. Help my unbelief!" Pray that God would change your heart. He loves to change hearts.

2. If you're on board, then continue to trust Him. Don't step ahead of him, trying to come up with your own sacrifices. Wait for him to move first. "[He] will guide you continually." (Isaiah 58)

another quick thought

I love that God takes pleasure in showing grace.