Mars and Venus - Communication 101

Most of you know that male slash female communication is the most exciting part of any relationship. I thought I'd share some of our most common Mars/Venus conversations.

Matt loves when I use absolutes like "always" and "never."

Leah (usually while Matt is watching sports): "We never talk."
Matt: "We talked on Saturday night."

He also loves when I make him be specific. This is my favorite...

Matt: "You look so cute right now!"
Leah: "I do?"
Matt: "Yeah."
Leah: "Well what's cute about me?"
Matt: ... interrupted ...
Leah: "Is it my haircut?"
Matt: ... interrupted again ...
Leah: "Have I lost weight?"
Matt: "I don't know you just look cute."
Leah: "Did I not look cute yesterday?"

Surely he wishes he had never opened his mouth.

And this is one from awhile back when we were getting ready for something. Thank you, Amanda, for bringing this to mind.

Matt: "Are you going to wear that shirt?" (Note: I was already dressed AND it was time to leave = not a good decision for Matt.)
Leah: "What's wrong with it?"
Matt: "It looks a little casual."
Leah: "Well SORRY, I don't have any clothes, so you're going to have to deal with it!"
Matt: "Yes you do, you have a whole closet full of clothes."
Leah: "Oh really? Then YOU pick out my outfit!"

He refused. I don't remember if I ended up changing or not. We love each other.

someone actually asked me if I was a barista

Matt and I went to a wedding on SUNDAY night (and yes, we double checked the date this time), and you can imagine my excitement when they had a gazillion desserts and a coffee bar with a barista serving up whatever java concoction fit your fancy.

While getting very specific about how I wanted my caramel macchiato, the barista asked me if I happened to be a barista. Of course I was elated - to appear to have such knowledge!

BTW, missed you bloggy friends the past week! I've been so bad about both reading and writing blogs! Gonna work hard to catch up on that! FORGIVENESS PLEASE! I live on forgiveness.

does the car doctor know I have road rage?

Who would have thought that getting an oil change could produce in me the same sort of anxiety I get when I visit the dentist?

You might recall that pretty much every time I have visited the dentist since I was about 17 he has asked me if I am wearing the mouth guard that keeps me from grinding my teeth.

And every time he asks, I think, "Dang it, he knows!" Something about the fact that he's the expert makes me feel like he somehow knows exactly how many nights I didn't floss or that in fact, I hardly ever wear my mouth guard or what have you.

Well, today I had to get an oil change, and upon checking out, the car technician dude quickly briefed me on the condition of my car...

I basically heard, "Blah blah blah blah blah... and oh, by the way, your front brake pads are in really good shape, but your rear brake pads look to be only about 20 percent effective, and you will need new ones the next time you come in here." And then...

He immediately looked at me with this face like, "Do you have an explanation for this you crazy woman road rage driver?" I'm telling you, I could FEEL it!

Avoiding unnecessary condemnation, I just kept looking straight at the piece of paper in his hand and said, "Okay." (Sort of in a "not my fault" slash "I'm perfectly innocent" tone of voice.)

I guess if any of you know anything about cars, you can correct me if I am wrong about whether or not the wearing out of my rear brake pads has anything to do with aggressive driving, but by the way that dude was looking at me...

I'm telling you, he knows.

And, by the way, you're welcome... for spelling out the word "slash."

WEDNESDAY LOVE!

VIII things - if nothing else, you'll enjoy the commentary

I think that my cousin, Tracy, tagged me in this game like 10 yrs ago (Have I already done it? Maybe), and, then my friend, Allison, tagged me today. So this is for you, bloggy friends. (Even though it's sort of meant to be all about me.)

1. Mention the person who tagged you.
2. Complete the list of 8's.
3. Tag eight of your wonderful bloggy friends!

8 things I look forward to:
1. My sister and my two nephews are coming in town tomorrow!!
2. BFFs Andrew and Rachel get home for the summer tomorrow!
3. Meeting all the new babies that are coming soon! (Baby King #1 and Baby Drinka #2 and Deuce the Caboose and I'm sure there are more that I am forgetting.)
4. Weddings and marriages and celebrations and friends I get to see at the celebrations! (Stacey & Luke from our small group got married last weekend in Aspen, Kyle & Kelsey getting married on Sunday, Matt's bro Michael and Brittany getting married next May... and so many more... Scully, Kristi D., etc.)
5. Grandparents (Nana and John) and sister's family coming in town next weekend!
6. Getting closer to and walking through life with our missional community group.
7. Impossible things being accomplished - in general.
8. Jesus and Heaven - "Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight!"

8 things I did yesterday:
1. DOMINATED the treadmill. Seriously - boo ya!
2. Opted to make coffee at home instead of going to Starbucks, can you hardly believe it?!
3. Read part of the book, "Spiritual Depression" by D. Martin Lloyd-Jones that my grandmother gave me, and it is actually not depressing at all!
4. Prayed with Sally, Amber, Olivia, and we missed Katie!
5. Went to spin class, and no, I am not a psycho worker-outer, and yes, my in-laws were there, and yes, Marcus, my MIL is more fit than me. Thank you.
6. Cooked Migas for dinner!
7. Laundry...
8. Went to sleep at 9:30 PM. How young am I?

8 things I wish I could do:
1. Not get schooled by moms when I do weightlifting classes at the gym.
2. Sing and not break glass.
3. Dance and actually look cool while doing so... like Matt!!!!
4. Go meet my neighbors and not be totally awkward while doing so, but let's be honest that's not probable... the awkward part I mean.
5. Have energy that rivals the energizer bunny... or my 11 yr old sister-in-law, Maddie.
6. I suppose I wish I could go back to college and not slack off for the last 2 whole years, but it's no use cryin' over spilt milk's the way I like to think of it.
7. Make sense while speaking. In general.
8. Exude optimism. You may be surprised to find that this is not natural for me. Hmm.

8 shows I watch: (I only really "watch" the first two, the others I watch only on occasion.)
1. The O'Reilly Factor (No Spin Zone, Fair and Balanced, baby.) ;) You're welcome.
2. The Office
3. The Unsellables
4. Scrubs
5. John & Kate plus 8
6. Saturday Night Live
7. Everybody Loves Raymond
8. Seinfeld

8 bloggers I tag:
1. Mom
2. Dad
3. O'Reilly
4. And because I know you like lists, Sarah Coker.
5. Anyone Else
6. Who Needs
7. Blog
8. Material.

Is it possible that I "broke" my abs?

Yesterday I went to the gym to run on the treadmill, and as I stood there in a daze, trying to work up the motivation to run for at least 30 minutes, one of my friends from church spotted me and came over to say hello. She was waiting for the "Total Conditioning" class start in about 5 minutes.

After a little chit-chat, she could sense the fact that I was not overly motivated to run, and told me I should come to the TC class. "Guaranteed to hurt," she said.

Good idea. I'd probably get off the treadmill after about 10 minutes of light jogging anyway... may as well have somebody MAKE me workout.

Ironically, the night before Matt and I had turned on the Season Finale of The Biggest Loser (which I had never watched before). Little did I know that I was about to feel like those contestants did on the day of their very first workouts.

We started with push-ups, and after about five of them I started to wimp out (read: I only pushed every other time/ I put my knees down/ or just stopped doing them all together). I also realized that I was surrounded by a bunch of 30+ year old moms, all who were putting me to serious shame. And that's an understatement.

The deal with this class is that there really is no rest - the instructor calls it "active recovery" which means "work one muscle group till you can't breath anymore and till your muscles start shaking and giving out on you, and then immediately begin to work on another muscle group while your previous muscle group allegedly 'recovers.'" Active recovery makes me angry.

Two days later, and it is still a struggle to sit down and stand up. Apparently the days of fitness and athleticism are a thing of the past. And if I was a contestant on TBL, I would definitely lose.

It still wasn't as bad as the kickboxing class. Those people are psychos.

stuff they don't teach in marriage counseling

I got a haircut today, and it is the shortest it's been since I was 16. And if I remember correctly, I cried for a long time after that horrific haircut. But no worries.

So after she chopped it all off, I dropped by Matt's office to show it off to him, as is my custom.

Matt: (Sees hair) Oh, it's very cute! I like it a lot.
Leah: Do you like it?
Matt: Yes, it's very cute.
Leah: Does it make me look skinny or fat? (Don't judge!!)
Matt: It makes you look skinny.
Leah: Does it make me look older or younger?
Matt: Younger.
Leah: Good.

Of course I know that my haircut doesn't make me look different at all, but we've had some tension in the past when I've presented these questions. It used to go like this.

Leah: Does it make me look older or younger?
Matt: Umm. I don't know.
Leah: What do you mean? Do I look older or younger?
Matt: I don't know what you want the answer to be? Are you supposed to look older or younger?
Leah: Babe, there's not a "right" answer, it's just whatever you think. (Duh, he's smarter than that.)
Matt: Okay, older?
Leah: Really?
Matt: I don't know, younger?

Yeah. He wised up.

St. John Fire Relief

Have you heard this story?

You can go here to figure out how to help the people who have lost their homes.

Happy Friday. I'm out.

the walls hate me

Jonathan Edwards in his resolutions wrote that he was resolved, "never to suffer the least motions of anger towards irrational beings."

I could certainly learn a thing or two from Jonathan Edwards. And the walls, doors, and furniture in my house would appreciate it if I did.

Let me explain.

I have a tendency to react very strongly if I stub my toe, or run into a wall, or bump my elbow/any other limb on a piece of furniture. And by "very strongly," I mean that I may or may not cry out with rage, pump my fist, and beat down the inanimate object responsible for causing such pain in my life.

It happens all the time. There is a very ill-placed ledge thing in our bathroom that eats my lunch almost everyday, and trust me, it has received it's fair share of beatings. (Read: It's a wonder that I haven't broken my hand.)

The irrational part of me is screaming inside and sometimes aloud, "IS THERE NO JUSTICE?!" As if the furniture and walls in my house are purposely getting in my way and inflicting pain on me.

Matt has witnessed these reactions on a number of occasions. Usually his eyes get very wide, he starts to smile (mockingly, since he can see how ridiculous I am acting), and he responds in disbelief, "Oh my gosh." He finds it very fascinating that I could get so angry at something that doesn't have a will.

Then I say, "What?" as if he has no good reason for looking at me like I am a lunatic, and I proceed to justify myself, knowing that there is not a rational excuse in the world for that sort of behavior, "THAT REALLY HURT!"

Then I repent. It will get better. I'll keep you updated.

short on sass

I don't know how to break this to you, but I've been a little short on sass recently. Sassy Leah has taken the backseat and Serious Leah is in the driver's seat. I don't know what this means for my blog, but let's be honest, it's probably better for my soul.

I don't want to leave you without SOMETHING. After all, you faithful readers are the reason I stay in business over here at Gibbizarre. So...

1 - I never followed up about the gluten free lasagna! It was a HIT. By the way, this reminds me that you should be very careful if you ever give me a compliment; my ego reacts very strongly to compliments (ahem, especially if they have something to do w/ this blog). So, if my small group was telling the truth, then the GF lasagna was the bomb.com, and if they were lying, then they sure boosted my ego. "A flattering tongue works ruin..."

2 - We had Matt's whole accounting department over to our house on Saturday for a BBQ! It was quite fun, and served as a motivator for me to FINALLY do some things to our house that I've been wanting to do since we moved in 2 years ago (like fill some empty wall space and rearrange some furniture). Perhaps all this hosting is more evidence that I'm growing up?

3 - Some of you know that until about December, Matt had literally eaten the SAME lunch every single weekday since college. He started to get tired of it, and we've been trying different things ever since then.

Well, we FINALLY found something that is quick and easy and healthy for him to take to work. SALAD. Before you start thinking it's gross, let me say it's not your typical salad. We have started grilling chicken or beef on Sunday, cutting up all kinds of veggies, and buying sunflower seeds/almonds/other toppings. So all he has to do in the morning is put the leafy greens in a to-go bowl, add his veggies and chicken or beef, add his dressing, and go.

I am hoping that this trend will stick for awhile. (Cause his alternative to not having a good lunch is just to skip it altogether.)

4 - Show my other blog some love! www.thisvanishingmist.com

for those of you who twitter...

...so did King Hezekiah.

"Like a swallow, like a crane, so I twitter..."
(Isaiah 38:14a, NASB)

You're so very welcome.