How do I know?

I wonder how many people out there wonder if God loves them.  Because I know a lot of times it might not FEEL like God loves you.  And while feelings are not always true, they are very real.

I remember when God first revealed this awesome TRUTH to me-  the proof of his love.  It is Jesus Christ, crucified on the cross, for my sins.  I remember thinking, "How do I know God loves me? Because He sent his Son to die in my place!"  If I ever doubt his love, I only need to look at Jesus.

There have been times since that initial revelation of his love that I haven't always "felt" like God loves me.  In those times, even though my feelings may be real, I must (and you must!) remember that those feelings are NOT true.  But if I fix my eyes on Jesus, hanging on a cross for me- the true AND real proof of God's love for me - then eventually, my feelings will follow.

And you know, it's kind of addicting.  When you realize how much God really does love you... you just get obsessed with the cross (the place where he displayed that love).  But, most likely, the feelings and the obsession will come second.  The choice to believe it and the mind-changing come first.

Ah!  How much God wants us to know and believe that he does love us! Let us fix our eyes on Jesus...

LAST CHANCE WORKOUT!!

In lieu of running six miles tonight like I originally planned, I ate a 600 calorie dessert, and that's no exaggeration.  If I could leave the post at this, I would, but since this is not Twitter, I'll go on...

I have my 16 week appointment early next week, and as I have told some of you before, these appointments are my personal equivalent to the weigh-ins on "The Biggest Loser."  Except, instead of trying to lose like 20 lbs in a week, I am just trying to gain the right amount... or, more honestly, as little as possible.

Call me crazy, but when I got pregnant again after not having lost the last five lbs from pregnancy numero uno (or, more honestly, the last eight lbs), I started to think of my life with 16 permanent extra pounds, and well... I FOUND A WAY to get to the gym!

And since I don't so much have a gazillion hours a day to workout (like I did before Henry was born), there's no more pretend, sissy, check-it-off-the-list workouts for this mom anymore.  No more seated, stationary bicycle with a magazine in hand.  Now when I go to the gym, I get my time's worth... I leave smelly.  And happy about it.

Anyway, back to the point (whatever it is).  You'd think with my big weigh-in coming up, I could at least wait till AFTER the appointment to eat brownies a la mode X 3 for dessert.  Nope!  Oh well...

But really, it's nice to take some days off, relax, and believe that I am loved by God, not because of a number on the scale, my outward appearance, an athletic or personal achievement, but because He is just good like that.  And as much joy and satisfaction I feel from working and trying hard at the gym, there is no joy or satisfaction like His unconditional Love!  Not that they are at odds... but one is ultimate, while the other is... not.  Hopefully you get my drift.  And goodnight.

Starting to POP! (Just some thoughts.)

Where the heck has the time gone?  I can't believe that tomorrow I will be 16 weeks pregnant. How have I possibly been pregnant since March?  At this point in my last pregnancy I feel like I had been pregnant FOREVER.  I couldn't wait to find out the gender... I just wanted time to speed up.  Not now!

Last time I couldn't wait to start showing, but now I'm like, "Let's just stay small as long as we can baby."  But Baby ain't listening.  (Plus, I may or may not have a gigantic uterus - just from comparing my ultrasounds to others'.)  I feel like once you start getting big, the pregnancy starts feeling slower... and I am quite enjoying how it's gone by so fast. 

But I am ready to feel that little avocado-sized baby kick.  I thought I might have felt it move last night, but I really can't be 100% sure - even though all the pregnancy sites say that you will know better the second time around when they are actually kicking.  Guess not.

But part of the reason I don't want time to go very fast is because I have no idea where we are going to put this child come December 9th (or, let's be honest... later than that).  We are in a 3/2 right now.  Sure, we have plenty of space - esp compared to my (previously mentioned) NYC friends who are making a 550 sq ft apartment work for their family of FIVE.  Clearly, there is space.  I just might have to get a little creative, and well - creative I am not!

Well, I'd love to sit and chat with you, but my toddler just woke up from his nap, and I am off to the gym.  Later!

the purse on your shoulder? (pregnant brain chronicles)

So I got kind of frazzled at the gym today.  I took Henry swimming at the pool at our gym, and that was fabulous as always... till the end when I started having a serious case of pregnant brain.

We headed to the family locker room, which is designated for parents w/ children of the opposite sex.  Any parent (male or female) can be in the room, so long as they (supposedly) have children of the opposite sex, but no one seems to really follow that rule.  Anyway, inside the locker room, they have about 5-6 closed off areas where you can shower/change.  Well, when Henry and I got to the family locker room, all of the areas were taken, so I, being a genius tried to pull a fast one and start changing out of my swimsuit in the common area (where anyone can walk through whenever).

Well, thank goodness, I got smart, and said out loud, "I can't do this, I am going to get in trouble... some creepy guy is gonna walk through here any second."  The kind lady next to me just politely agreed, "Yep."  Then two seconds later, the creepy guy with no children walked through, and she said, "There he is."  Fortunately, I had pulled up my swimsuit, and tank top... but my bra was still fastened around my belly, which I'm sure he found interesting.  But oh well...

So, I stepped into a bathroom stall, quickly changed, and left in a haste...

Almost to my car, I realized that I had left my purse in my locker in the locker room, so I RUN back into the gym carrying my 27lb child in 100 degree weather, and hurry in to find that the locker I had been using was locked/already being used by someone else and my purse was nowhere to be found.

"My purse is gone!"  I say, frantically, to the two women sitting there, one of which was the same woman who basically thought I was a psycho for trying to change in a unisex locker room... "It was in this locker right here, and someone seriously locked their stuff in here with my purse!!!"

The same lady pointed at my shoulder... "Are you looking for the purse that's on your shoulder?"  I glance at my shoulder, and sure enough my purse is right there.  Lovely.  I was just so embarrassed for the second time in front of the same lady that my only response was, "Uggggh! It's been a bad day."  Which was a total lie - it had been a fine day.

Anyway, when I finally got in my car, I decide I'm going to pull forward through the parking spot, instead of backing out of it... only to go "full speed" (whatever that is) into a curb.  Yikes.  I probably should have called a taxi or a designated driver at that point.  But, I didn't, and God was good, and we got home in one piece.

what did they DO before home pregnancy tests?

After I took my first positive pregnancy test with Henry I literally followed the one test with about six more because I didn't feel pregnant.  This time, after I had my first positive pregnancy test, I took ZERO more.  However, no one could count how many NEGATIVE pregnancy tests I took before I got the positive one (with baby number 2).  Without question, it was an embarrassing number of tests. 

Ya see, our "birth control" method after Henry came into the world was breastfeeding... which is not technically 100% effective, especially after they start solid foods at around 6 months.  So, there always seemed to be the possibility that I could be pregnant.  But, surprisingly, the natural/lactation method seemed to be PRETTY effective for me.  (Or maybe that's not so surprising, seeing as I felt like I could have nourished an army of babies.)  TMI?  Maybe...

Anyway, no telling how many times Matt heard, "I think I might be pregnant" when I was most definitely not even possibly pregnant.  So, it's no wonder that when I really thought I was pregnant, he didn't believe me.  Somehow in that last cycle, I found in myself the self-control to wait till about 15 DPO (days past ovulation) to take a test, which is kind of a big deal since I got a positive pregnancy test with Henry at 10 DPO.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I took the test in the bathroom at Starbucks on a Saturday morning.  (Of course.) I took a picture w/ my smart phone, sent it to Matt, and that was the end of him not believing that I was in fact, preggo.

By the way, I am hoping, after writing this post, that about 99.99% of my readers are female.

concrete jungle where dreams are made of...

City never sleeps, better slip you an Ambien!  We just got back from a quick trip to NYC to visit Matt's brother and his wife, who are in grad school up at NYU.

We would have been in big trouble with Uncle Michael and Aunt Brittany if we hadn't brought Henry, so we braved the city that never sleeps with a 15 month old- and lived to tell about it.

We are terrible picture takers.  We probably have five pictures to show for the whole trip, and as per usual, they are all of Henry.  Here are two of them.  This is in Brooklyn and the background is downtown NYC/Manhattan.

We also got to visit w/ our friends, The Gentrys, who are braving the Big Apple EVERY SINGLE DAY with three children! It was so fun to see how they do life in NYC w/ three.  I was amazed.

The trip was super laid back.  We have done the touristy stuff before, so we just got to hang out and watch how locals live.  My legs are STILL sore from walking so much. How sad is that?  I saw on "The Doctor's" the other day that New Yorkers walk an average of five miles a day.  Translation= we'd all be better off physically if we moved to New York.  However, and this is probably TMI, my boogers (yes, the things inside my nose) always turn black when I go to NYC.  So perhaps the air pollution and dirt offsets the extra five miles a day.  But probably not.  Our expensive jogging stroller ALMOST got lost forever on the flight to La Guardia, but thank goodness, it showed up the day before we had to leave to come back to Austin.  Close call.

That is all.

15 month stats

Henry had his 15 month check up today.

He is greater than 95th percentile for height (don't remember the measurement).  He is 75th percentile for weight (26 lbs, 7oz).  And, as per usual, his head is gigantic (40 cm)- also greater than the 95th percentile.  (And it grew one cm since the last appointment, so now I know his brain is not crammed in there.)

He's going to be a great big brother!

Plans to post a video of his new walking skills soon. :)