finding things

Well, it appears the pregnancy insomnia strikes again.  3 AM on a Monday seems like a great time to go back and re-read my old blog posts.  I've said this before, and I'll say it again- my blog used to be funnier.  It did.  Although, I remember thinking after Sam was born that my blog wasn't funny anymore, and well, reading now, I do think those posts were kind of funny- if I might humbly say so.

ANYWAY, a couple of the posts reminded me that I had a fun story (or two) to tell you.  It seems there has been a theme on my blog since about 2008, which is that Matt is notorious for losing things- and completely freaking out about it.  As I shared in this post (six years ago), I stopped freaking out over these "misplacements" approximately 3 months into our dating relationship, aka 2003, because whatever was "lost" would always eventually be found, usually by me.  It's happened more times than I can count. (Another example here.)  Note: this might be the only scenario in our lives in which I am able to stay calm and Matt is not.

Most recently (like three weeks ago), Matt "lost" his wedding ring.  But not like lost for 10 minutes, which happens almost everyday.  He lost it for a good three to four days.  And he was really concerned about it.  As usual, I was not at all concerned about it because, like I said, all of these items eventually turn up, so what's the use getting all worked up about it?

The day he lost the ring, he had stayed a little bit longer at work for a meeting, then he had taken the boys to the pool at Lifetime. The possible places the ring could have been were: his gym bag, the gym lost and found, his work pants, the kitchen counter-top (a common resting place for his ring), our dresser, or behind our dresser, his car, his office- all places that it has been left before I think.  He searched everywhere, but I didn't really look on day one.

Anyway, on day two of the ring being lost, Matt texted me from work to have me look a couple of places for it.  No luck.  I responded over text and said, "I'm not too worried about it."  Matt's reply was, "I am."

While I never got worked into a panic, by about day four, I was just convinced we were going to need to replace the ring, which is only annoying because gold is way more expensive than it was when we got married.  And I refuse to do something cheap like Titanium (which seems to be a trend) because I feel like that would just give him permission to lose it!

Then it happened. I got a (random) call from our dry cleaning lady, Gloria, who by the way, is the sweetest, hardest working woman in the world.  I had missed the call and she had left a message, but for some reason I couldn't call back at the moment, so I texted Matt to tell him that he needed to call her back.

Within about five minutes of that happening, Matt called me, elated, because guess what!  Gloria had found his wedding ring in his pants pocket! (A place Matt had supposedly checked 10+ times.)  She had found it within minutes of Matt dropping off his clothes that same morning, but couldn't get a hold of him before he had left the place.  Hey babe, that was a close call.  Gloria said to him, "Shame on you for walking around without your wedding ring!"  Needless to say, we owe that lady some flowers or something!

Matt told me later that he had started praying that it would turn up.  I love how God answered that prayer!

Moral of the story:

 

Also, you may remember that right after Sam was born, we legitimately lost a set of our car keys.  We moved, and never found them... this is the first thing that I was convinced I had actually lost - maybe ever.  I used to pride myself on not losing things.  Anyway, you can imagine my delight this past December (probably two years almost to the day since the keys went missing), when I put on a jacket that I literally must not have worn in two years, stuck my hand in the pocket, and pulled out our missing car keys!  I cannot describe to you how much we searched for those things before, and how exciting it was for them to turn up!  What a fun little game we have going over here...

and what if he's not healthy?

One of the things that people say to me when they find out I am having my third boy is something to the effect of, "You know, boy or girl, all that matters is that you have a healthy baby." 

People said this to me when I was pregnant with Sam, and I've heard it once or twice with number three.  And I know people are just trying to be kind, compassionate, or to somehow offer me a look on the bright side.  But for whatever reason, that statement just doesn't sit well in my gut.

Why?  Because what if the baby is not healthy?  I promise I'm not trying to be a punk! But am I guaranteed a healthy baby?  Even with all the genetic screens, blood tests, ultrasounds, etc. there is no guarantee that any of us have healthy babies (or have babies at all).  The only thing I'm sure is guaranteed in this life is trouble.  "In this world, you will have trouble." Jesus said in John 16:33.

I have read more than a handful of stories just this week of parents who delivered unhealthy, sick babies.  Babies who had to spend weeks in the NICU, babies with genetic mutations, babies who didn't make it home from the hospital.  Note to self: it may help to stop looking at Facebook. :) But when I hear "all that matters" is that I have a healthy baby, I can't help but think of those that aren't healthy.  I can't help but think of their mothers.

All that matters is not that my baby or yours is healthy.  Should he not be healthy, is he any less deserving of love?  Is he any less of a human?  By no means!  How about this: if my baby is not healthy, is God any less GOD?  Is He any less worthy of my worship?  Is he any less gracious and kind?

How many times do we get good news (ie healthy baby), and our response is, "God is so good!"  Of course He is, and trust me I am not at all trying to say that we shouldn't praise God when he blesses us with good things!  But what if he gives us heartache?  He is still good.  He still gives us grace upon grace.

Let me tell you - I have some screwed up thinking.  Like when this blog post was formulating in my head I thought, "If I post that, God might give me an unhealthy baby." (Trust me, I know, I have issues, and obviously give myself waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much credit for the things that happen in my life.)  I have also thought to myself that I shouldn't pray for a healthy baby because a) God might just give me an unhealthy baby to teach me a lesson or b) because I should just be okay with whatever God determines will happen.  Writing it out helps me see how crazy those thoughts are.

To be honest, with each pregnancy I have battled more and more anxiety related to childbirth and the baby's health.  I see friends who have suffered heartache.  I had a postpartum hemorrhage after Sam (and am therefore increased risk for it to happen again), and the reality that something like that could literally kill me has not been absent from my mind.

So how do I deal with these thoughts?  Three things have stood out to me.

1) I absolutely DO pray with faith for a healthy baby and a good delivery.  Let us not assume that healthy babies (and mamas) are the norm, or take for granted that ALL of us were not born with some rare physical or mental defect.  God is most definitely to be given glory when things go according to our plans.  And as a loving Father, he most definitely wants us to ask him for good things, like healthy babies and positive pregnancy tests or a judge's favor for your adoption. It brings me great comfort to know that my Jesus himself prayed that God would let the cup (the cross) pass from him.

2) I trust God's wisdom over my own.  What's the worst thing that can happen to me or this baby?  I let myself go there.  And in doing that, I realize this: NOTHING can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus my Lord.  Jesus was forsaken so I would never, ever have to be. For those who trust Jesus, the very worst is not unbearable.  "When I am afraid I put my trust in you. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4

3) I cast my anxieties on him because He CARES for me.  I think I need to sit and let that reality sink into my soul every.single.day.  He cares for ME?  He CARES for me! HE cares for me!  And he's like, "Just throw all that anxiety on me." All the weight of your cares and worries - he wants to carry it.  Jesus, who loved me enough to carry the cross of my sin, will he not also carry the weight of my troubles? Oh Leah, how you need to believe that he cares for you.  "Take heart," says Jesus,"I have overcome the world." John 16:33

As I've was thinking about these things and formulating this post, a potential name for baby #3 came to my mind.  We are still trying to decide exactly, but may have one soon.  So that's exciting!  Thanks for sticking with me.  Much love to you, my readers.

Pictures from the last 2+ Months

Sam turned 2!

We have been going to the indoor pool at Lifetime A LOT.  I would love for Henry to be able to swim by the time baby #3 and summer comes around, so we've been staying comfortable in the water.  And yes, I'm mom of the year because I go TOO.

Henry was part of the "Angelic Choir" in his Christmas performance.

I took Henry and Sam to the Thinkery on a day in December when it was empty.

My sister and her family came in town right before Christmas to surprise my dad for his 60th birthday.  Here is the one pic we got of the cousins. Minus Sam.

Matt is a good dad.

When it's been nice outside (we've had a few days here and there), we have started going down to ride the Zilker Zephyr.  The boys are still obsessed with trains.

I have Henry to myself on Thursdays while Sam is at school (long story).  We went to the Thinkery (again), and he and I made a train out of magnets.

Sam wearing the same outfit that Henry wore in 2011.  Henry was 22 months in that pic, Sam is 25 months in the pic.

We've had THREE bad weather days... only one of them actually produced a visible amount of ice.

Mom and H on Zilker Zephyr.

What is it w/ boys and undies?  Henry is obsessed with his Angry Birds underwear.

Just a sweet pic I snapped on the way outside of church one day.

After a lot of hesitation, I decided to put Henry in swim lessons.  We have only had one, and it went SO GREAT.  I was very pleased, and I am thinking about using some of Sam's birthday money to give him some lessons too.

His teacher seemed to be very happy with his starting point and said he would be swimming in no time.  I was very proud, too... this is a night/day difference from last summer.

We went to Dallas last weekend to visit my grandmom and let her see the boys.  Bonus - my sister and her kids were there for part of the time, too.  This is me and little Laura.

This is Matt and the boys!

Grandmom and the grandkids, minus Peter.

28 Weeks - It's all uphill from here!

Hello to you on the first day of my third trimester! I'm just chuggin' along, but I can tell you that I am almost 100% sure I have hit the pregnancy peak. Here's my own little 28 week bump update. Be warned: it's long because I am including all the info I haven't written about this entire pregnancy.

28 weeks - sorry about the glare.

How far along are you?  28 weeks, duh.  AKA if the baby was born today, he'd have a great chance of survival.  So that makes this thing feel pretty real.

Are you showing?  Well, the other day while in the H-E-B line, a very loud, intrusive, Greek man asked me when the baby was due, so I am going to say yes.  I think sometime in the last three weeks I graduated from the "awkward" phase to the "obviously with child" phase.

How much weight have you gained?  The honest answer is that I don't know because I didn't know how much I weighed before I got pregnant.  I was originally not going to find out my weight at all during this pregnancy, but my doctor pretty much makes it impossible to not know, so I can tell you that if I gain the recommended amount, I will pretty much end up at the same weight at 40 weeks that I did with both Henry and Sam.

Anything else on the weight subject? Why yes, thank you for asking!  This has been my healthiest pregnancy by far.  That's 100% owing to the fact that I've been living in freedom from the body image/food war.  This has made this pregnancy so much more enjoyable.

Any exciting news?  Did I tell ya'll that I passed my glucose screening test for the first time EVER?  Even though I have never had gestational diabetes, I have always had to take the three hour test. But this time, I passed my one-hour screen test (barely) by three measly little points.  Pretty sure the lab tech chick drawing my blood may have thought mine was the overreaction of the century because I was so darn excited.

How would you describe your mood?  Hormonal.  Happy.  But recently a little more grouchy.  Part of the reason I wondered if this child was a girl is because I have weeped (I'm talking WEEPED) more in this pregnancy than in any other.  I don't really remember weeping but maybe one time when I was pregnant w/ Henry, and probably never with Sam.  But I have weeped.  And in my second trimester, I felt pretty darn good almost all the time.  I would say that I was generally very happy, despite bouts of weeping.  In the last couple of weeks or so, I have found myself being a little grouchier than I would like to admit.  Just call me Oscar.

Feeling energetic?  First trimester was awful.  Second trimester was amazing, and lately I've been thinking I need to tone it down a bit.  We've been pretty much go, go, go, but now that I actually have a baby bump, my back starts to ache if I am up moving around for too long, etc.

How are you sleeping?  More sleepless nights in the last couple of weeks... I hope this doesn't become a trend!  Generally speaking I have also slept much better this time around, but they say pregnancy insomnia is preparation for mid-night baby wakings or something cruel like that.  I will say the dude is super active (aka awake) while I am trying to fall back asleep in the middle of the night.

Tell me about your cravings.  As per usual, I only wanted hot, greasy food in my first trimester.  Couple that with feeling tired and nauseous ALL the time, and I ate quite a bit of takeout from weeks 6-12.  But lately, I've been cooking almost every single night - and even meal planning, which is something I have not ever really done.  I'll say that while I hate the hour long trips to the grocery store (and paying the whole week's grocery bill in one trip was shocking at first), it is SO WORTH IT to a) know what we are having for dinner and b) not have to go to the store multiple times a week.

Stretch marks?  Not yet, although I can feel my stomach stretching.  It's only a matter of time.  I had them with Henry around the very end, got even more with Sam, and so I'm not holding my breath that it won't happen again.

Maternity Clothes?  I always bust out maternity clothes at like 8 weeks.  I always tell myself it's because I'm pregnant, but the real reason is because I probably eat three times as much Tex-Mex in the first trimester.

Symptoms?  Guys, I've also NEVER had reflux.  Just in the last couple of weeks I have had some reflux, and I only expect that it will get worse as this dude takes up more space in my belly.  I'm telling y'all, three different pregnancies, still ALL BOYS.

Movement? Yes, a lot! Often in the middle of the night.

Miss anything?  Having a reasonable bra size.  TMI?  I know.

What are you nervous about?  Right now I am most nervous about moving Sam into Henry's room.  That was the beginning of the end of Henry's napping and sleeping all the way through the night.  I also feel like we should probably take his pacifier away sometime soon, but he LOOOOVES his paci.  So I've basically been putting both of those things off, waiting for the "right" time.

What are you excited about?  Finishing up all the things on my little nesting list... most of which are small.  I decided to keep the nursery the same, and we also decided to keep Henry and Sam's room mostly the same, minus a few small changes.  My goal is to get it all finished early (unlike other pregnancies), so I have more time to twiddle my thumbs when things slow down at the end.

Best moment this week?  I love when Henry and Sam talk about the baby in my belly.  Henry will pray and thank Jesus for the baby in my tummy, or he will just randomly ask what we are going to name it.  I love that he's thinking about his little brother.  Sam also acknowledges "baby" but it is mainly when he comes face to face w/ my growing belly.

If you stuck w/ me through that post, you should win a prize!