I scared them away...

Every so often, I check Google Analytics for fun to see how people find my blog. It has a couple of features I think are fun like 1- A map overlay to show you where your readers are (had someone from Moscow, Russia this week - not gonna lie that sort of freaked me out), and 2- A list of key words that people type into search engines that somehow lead them to eventually click on the blog.

I have 3 awesome ones this week.

"Advice to husbands with pregnant wives."
"How husbands should treat their pregnant wives."
"Husbands with mean pregnant wives."

Needless to say those poor men probably didn't leave feeling very encouraged. :( Muahahahaha.

On another note, it's 5am, and I have been up since 3. Maybe we should all just say a prayer for Matt. ;)

we can laugh about it now

In the last week, I have had two spouts of uncontrollable weeping. I am going to go ahead and blame it on my "condition." (Note: My condition is also to blame for the lack of a uniform verb tense in this post.)

First episode: It's 12:30am and I can't sleep, so I decide to take a shower. While doing so, I drop my razor on my foot, and it starts bleeding uncontrollably - literally looks like a murder scene in my shower.

At this point, I decide that the world has done me a serious injustice, and start crying and screaming, "Why? Why did this happen to me!?" (Note: It didn't really hurt at all, I was just upset that it happened.) Realizing that I had not yet received a response from my sleeping husband, I cried ALL THE LOUDER... until he got up and came to check on me in the shower.

This is when I morphed from a weeping victim to an angry monster of a wife and started screaming at Matt to get me a paper towel. He patiently cooperated and after we got the blood cleaned up from the entire bathroom, I proceeded to cry myself to sleep for a solid 15 additional minutes.

Second Episode: This morning at about 6:30 or 7:00am. As my growing uterus continues to impede on my bladder, I can no longer sleep through the whole night without having to get up to go to the bathroom. No big deal if I could go back to sleep right? But, instead I get back in bed, toss and turn for an hour, give up, and end up staying awake till I can't take it anymore.

This morning, I was almost back asleep on the couch when it was time for Matt to get ready for work. So, as he starts making noise (not on purpose, but you know how everything sounds amplified when you're trying to sleep), I storm to our bedroom where I can shut the door on the noise.

The only problem is that our bedroom is the hottest room in the house, and since my body is now an incubator, I am constantly radiating with heat. Translation = UGH! At this point I throw all of the sheets onto the floor and start making angry noises. Not satisfied with the room temp, I leave our room, slamming the door behind me, and I march to the guest room. Oh, and on the way, I furiously punch the down button on our AC about 7 degrees.

As soon as I arrive at my new location, the weeping begins... uncontrollable weeping. Matt eventually made it back to the guest room to console me. "I'm so tired and uncomfortable. I just want to fall asleep!"

Matt is so sweet and considerate, especially when I am being totally irrational. This morning, while weeping, I ask him a question he gets a lot when I'm being a brat, "Why do you love me? Why are you being nice to me!?"

I'm telling you the man deserves an award.

those pregnancy tests don't lie!!!

Here's our little munchkin! (No twins!)


Baby was moving arms and legs a whole, whole lot, and it was so awesome to watch! I think Matt was totally surprised that it was actually alive and kickin! As you can see, he/she is staying snuggled up close to the side of my grapefruit-sized uterus right now. So crazy!

I was off on the due date by 1 or 2 days, but I had the gestational age down to the DAY!!! Boo ya! So Baby Gibbers is 9 weeks and 6 days today. We get to go back to the doctor again on August 13th, and I will get to have ANOTHER SONOGRAM at that point! Can't wait. Really, words can't explain how cool it was.

And, lastly, the doctor went ahead and pointed out that the baby weighs less than one ounce and probably only needs about 1 calorie a day to survive. Translation = I should eat normal amounts of food. Whatev. ;)

the opinion columnist

I've realized something about myself since getting married... something anyone with a brain could have pointed out to me my entire life, but somehow I was unaware... of the fact that I happen to be extremely opinionated.

I guess, I started to notice a few years ago that, although Matt has some strongly held opinions, he doesn't (unlike me) really feel the need to state them out loud (or via blog) or really at all. He always states them very diplomatically, during civil debates, in a way that makes him sound like a total genius. But normally he will only do this around very close family and around people who are being moronic... the rest of the time he just keeps his mouth shut.

I, on the other hand, LOVE to rant, and immediately put in my two cents about things that matter and things that don't matter, and most of the time I sound like a complete idiot for doing so, so I pay the price.

Maybe this is why Proverbs 25:8 is so convicting to me. "Do not go out hastily to argue your case; Otherwise, what will you do in the end, when your neighbor humiliates you?"

NEVERTHELESS, new situations typically make me aware of strongly held opinions that I didn't even know I had. And I am here now to share a couple of them with you.

1. Women, the ONLY place where it is appropriate to wear shorts that do not cover ALL of your butt cheeks is at your home, the swimming pool, the beach, the lake, a hot tub, and the like... NOT at THE GYM on a treadmill, NOT at STARBUCKS. Trust me, it is NOT attractive, nor would it be even if you did have a perfect rump. So do yourself a favor and roll down those cotton SOFFE® shorts about 3 or 4 times.

2. If you are at the movie to see a chick flick, then ALL of the previews should be advertising chick-flicky-type movies, NOT CREEPY HORROR FILMS!

Last night while waiting for a chick-flick to start, two previews featuring extremely creepy horror/suspense type films were played. They were so creepy that I had to close my eyes and my ears and wait for them to be over at which point I exclaimed rather loudly to Matt (in a full theatre), "What the heck is wrong with these PSYCHOTIC people in our country?"

Dear movie people, I paid for a chick flick. The next movie I pay for will probably be a chick flick or something of the sort... unless I am a movie snob or a movie fanatic at which point I already know about the psycho horror films you are advertising. Please stick to showing previews in the same general genre as the movie I paid to watch.

Well that was fun. You're welcome. Perhaps this will have to become a series.

Doctor Schmoctor

Well, I am giving my original OBGYN the BOOT! I got a call from their office today saying that my doc had a family emergency and they'd need to reschedule my appointment (which was supposed to be tomorrow). They told me the earliest I could get in to see a nurse practitioner would be AUGUST 6th! Hello people, NOOOOOO WAY JOSE!

Let's just say I responded the way a hormonal pregnant lady would respond.

So, my wonderful sister recommended another OBGYN who she claims is one of the best. (Not sure how she knows that.) I called, and they take my insurance, take new patients, and it's located at the hospital which is very close to my house, and they can get me in first thing Monday morning. (The previous hospital was right next to Matt's office.) So it's a done deal. Yippeee!!!!

Note to doctors: We appreciate what you do, but we don't have to put up with your crap.