over the insomnia

Like seriously, I'm over it!  I'm not sure what time I woke up this time, but my guess is that I've been up since 2 ish.  It's 5:30.  And I've tried all my normal tricks to go back to sleep.  (i.e. spiking up the blood sugar with milk and cookies to try and make it crash suddenly, lavender essential oil, reading, praying, thinking about other stuff, breathing exercises, browsing the internet until I can't keep my eyes open anymore.)  What is not helpful is the fact that when I lay down (or actually, even when I am not laying down), I cannot breathe.  I thought this baby may have dropped some, but based on my lung capacity, he's sittin' high and mighty.  Is there a two-footer in my belly? Like for real. Scoot down, Jack.

This does not bode well for contentment efforts.  How fast can next Monday get here?  As many times as I remind myself that life and Jesus and happiness are not available to me next Monday but only right now in this present moment- as many times as I remember that beautiful truth and as many times as I feel the relief of believing it... well, the gravitational pull of my mind still leads me to thinking, "Body, can we just get on with this labor thing already?"  Why do I always think the future will be better than the present?


Okay, I've sat between paragraph two and three for about 20 minutes now without a coherent thought or sentence.  I may be finally falling asleep at 6 AM. Whoop. Laterz.