my house feels like a furnace

Why is it always at 4 AM when I cannot sleep and also literally can't go ANYWHERE that I start feeling like it would be a good idea to train for a marathon?  No worries, I usually get tired again around 6 AM, fall asleep and lose all that motivation.  I'm starting to realize I don't stick with things...

ANYWHO... I am re-reading this book for my mom's group called A Praying Life, by Paul E. Miller.  (Why put the middle initial? I mean, seriously.)  I went and bought it the week that baby boy was due to keep myself occupied and from going insane (although it didn't really work).

He has some chapters on cynicism, which have been extremely convicting for me.  Those of you who may have been reading since the beginning might remember that I admitted to not getting my hopes up too much... ever.  I, mistakenly, have believed that if I don't get excited, I can't get disappointed.

Miller exposes this cynicism.  Here are some of the quotes I found particularly insightful.  There were about 1,000,000, so I had to just pick a few.

• "The cynic is always observing, critiquing, but never engaged, loving, and hoping." (Who, me? Couldn't be!)
• He quotes a Cuban blogger named Yoani Sanchez.  "...our defining characteristic is cynicism.  But that's a double edged sword.  It protects you from crushing disappointment, but it paralyzes you from doing anything."  (Couldn't be me, either! Since I "do" so much. N-O-T.) 
• "Cynics imagine they are disinterested observers on a quest for authenticity.  They assume they are humble because they offer nothing.  In fact, they feel deeply superior because they think they see through everything." (Okay, fine. I confess, I think I know everything.)
• Miller points out that cynicism begins with what he calls naive optimism.  He writes, "At first glance, genuine faith and naive optimism appear identical since both foster confidence and hope.  But the similarity is only surface deep.  Genuine faith comes from knowing my heavenly Father loves... me.  Naive optimism is groundless.  It is childlike trust without the loving Father."

There are so many more good quotes and insights, but I will leave them out to keep this post from becoming a book.  Bee-Tee-Dub, I LOVE the bullet points. Okay, so, I don't want to be cynical anymore.  If I think about it, cynicism is really just my way of protecting myself... and not letting God protect me... and not trusting in the goodness of God.  I didn't really even realize that I was cynical, but I fit all the descriptions... so I consider it God's grace that he is using this book to show me my heart so he can change it.


NEXT. You know those people who include a list of everything they love on their Facebook profiles? You know, they will write, "I LOVE" and then follow with a list of everything they love, which usually includes long walks on the beach and diet coke.  I am not really one of those people.  But it's mainly because I don't want people to make fun of me.  Cause deep down, I sort of AM really nerdy like that, but I have issues (see above), and so I have to look cool.

So, in the interest of amusing you.  And in the interest of amusing myself.  And in the interest of not being too cool.  And in the interest of not being a cynical, angry person.  I am hereby going to write my ever-increasing (and not previously thought out) love list.  I am sure when I re-wake up again at 9 and am not delirious, I will have decided that this was a very bad idea.  But here it goes.

In no particular order. I LOVE (Okay, I am already gagging): Starbucks, my husband, my precious baby boy, my family, my friends, my church and my small group at church, Maudie's, Chuy's and Tex-Mex in general, a good book, journaling with a cup of coffee in hand, blogging, Gulf Shores, Alabama, Texas A&M, running so long that you get a runner's high (it's been over a year since I've done that), scenic routes, pretty sunsets, pretty flowers, daydreaming (but I don't really let myself do that), a perfect-fitting pair of jeans (which, by the way, is hard to come by these days), thinking about God's faithfulness in the past, talk Radio, Dr. Laura, my planner, Austin TX, the first feeling of Fall (aka temperature below 90), college football, diet coke (had to throw it in there), the LIVING Word of God, Target, NYC, Tim Keller, John Piper, C.S. Lewis, Beth Moore, a clean house, BARE MINERALS POWDER (seriously, it's the best, ladies), a pretty tan (although, I am now officially scared of the sun and will be pasty white the rest of my life), getting my hair done, breakfast tacos, epidurals (oh yes. they are awesome.), ultrasounds (of babies), being awake when the sun comes up, going back to sleep... and Jesus. (And oh, how I want to love him MORE! For realz.)

Now that wasn't so bad, was it?

Hahahahahaha.  Okay, Matt's alarm is going off.  Time to go back to sleep!  See ya on the flip side. ;)