Hard days - I lift my eyes UP

It's been one of those weeks for me.  Being pregnant is getting more and more difficult.  I am not sleeping great.  I don't feel like I have the energy to do the the few things that I need to do to feel good (read: go to the gym AND keep my house neat AND wake up early to spend time with the Lord).  I find myself acting grumpy, and I hate it but keep doing it.  Oh, and there's more weeping.

It's one of those weeks where it's all too easy to keep focusing on what's wrong and trying to figure out how I'm gonna get myself out of this rut.  "How can I make sure I sleep all night tonight? Maybe if I eat better I will not be so grumpy.  Maybe if I make good plans and stick to them, I'll start acting better."

A couple of months back, I was having a difficult day, and I remember this thought occurred to me, "But God is still God."  In other words, my cruddy day did not change the fact that God is still worthy of my praise, no matter what is happening to me.

Then today, I had a moment... a moment where what I knew in my head to be true became a reality that I actually experienced.  I was driving in my car, and Chris Tomlin's song, "Holy is the Lord" came on the radio.  Truth be told, I don't often leave my radio tuned to the Christian station (cause let's be honest - cheeseball city).  For whatever reason, not only did the song come on, but I left it there- a second miracle, since I tend to flip past songs that I've heard thousands of times before.

And I just decided to sing along - from the heart.  (I sound like such a feeler right now!)  But I did... I sang to God, and I told him that he was Holy and I told him how the whole Earth is filled with his glory.  And I smiled and I believed what I was singing.  And in the very moment that I lifted my eyes up, I myself was lifted up - above my circumstances, above the mental hamster wheel I've been spinning on.

It felt like freedom.  It felt like weight coming off.  Time stood still.  I didn't need to go anywhere or get anything done.  All was right in the moment.  And I realized that this is what it is like to worship Him no matter what circumstance I find myself in.  This is where the fruit of the Spirit comes from.   This is how I get the strength to be godly and loving and joyful on no sleep, with no strength, with young children who sap my energy.  I worship him in spirit and truth, and in doing so, I am filled up with joy because I was made for this very thing.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come? 
 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1-2 (and also one of my favorite worship songs since like 1997)

I spend so much time trying to fix things on my own, that I forget that freedom and deliverance is only one glance away - one glance away from myself and onto Jesus.  If only we would fix our eyes on him!