How to Ruin your Valentine's Day (Important Advice for Husbands & Boyfriends)

If you want to ruin your Valentine's Day, then you should go ahead and buy your wife or girlfriend a Pajama Gram or a Vermont Teddy Bear. I have heard commercials for both of these products on the radio and TV, and let me just say that they are lying to you.

The Vermont Teddy Bear advertisement essentially says that flowers are boring and that if you send your wife or girlfriend a teddy bear at work, she will love you, and all of her coworkers will just be really impressed. It is a lie. If I received a Teddy Bear at work, I would be embarrassed. Take my word for it, and stick with flowers. Chocolate will even work, but not a teddy bear, please.

Although I personally would not prefer it, the Pajama Gram is not that bad of a gift in itself UNLESS your wife/girlfriend/fiancee has seen the commercial... and then it's pretty much over. No hope for you. The commercial basically appeals to lazy, last-minute men who haven't put any thought into the gift. See for yourself.



I personally can't stand this commercial, especially the last 10 seconds. Matt, if you're out there, NO PAJAMA GRAMS.

the sixth love language

All this time I thought Matt's love language was acts of service. While that's partly true, I realized today that his love language is actually... food!!

Yes, he appreciates when I do the laundry or clean the bathroom, but he LOVES when I cook. And he LOVES when I bring him lunch at the office, and he LOVES going out to eat.

So although you can't tell by the way his jeans fit, Matt's love language is officially FOOD.

Acts of service and words of affirmation are a close 2nd & 3rd.

stuff you always wanted to know about Matt. (you don't wanna skip this one.)

Matt is an "out of sight, out of mind" person if there EVER was one. This explains why he can't "find" anything in the house. (See previous posts, finding things and more mattisms). For real, we have about 60 tubes of chap stick, and he won't be able to find any of them unless they are dangling from a string at eye-level.

I am mildly OCD, just mildly. I don't mind piles of junk unless they are neat piles. Example: When we get the mail I'd prefer that we immediately sort it and throw away the junk, but if for some reason we don't, then it needs to be stacked in a neat pile. But Matt is out of sight, out of mind, so when I put mail or anything else in a temporary pile for neatness sake, he forgets about it. Thank goodness for auto pay.

So under one roof, we have the girl who likes for everything to have a place and to always and immediately put things where they belong, and the guy who would rather take up the entire surface area of every counter and every table and every floor in the house with all of the items he can't afford to forget about. Now, this poses a unique challenge for us when we consider Matt's reading habits.

Matt likes to read about 7 books at a time. But, like many, he has a bad habit of not finishing them. And he's a busy dude, so if he does finish, it takes about 7 months. He read David McCullough's book, 1776 a few years ago, and I'm pretty sure it took from January to August. To his credit, he did read The Same Kind of Different as Me in record time(for him), but apparently that one is the type you can't put down.

So surely you are wondering how any of this relates. Well, when Matt is reading his 7 books, he likes to keep them out. Two on the bedside table, one on the kitchen table, two on the coffee table, one in his car, etc. You're getting the picture. Of course, I never read more than 2 books at a time, and I finish all of them and keep them neatly tucked away in a book bag.

Needless to say, I have spent a good amount of time the last 3 yrs straightening up books and neatly stacking them or returning them to their home on the bookshelf. (I actually discovered that if I put a book that Matt is reading on the bookshelf, he will forget he's reading it.) Now, I know you're wondering where I am going with all of this.

I was excited about Matt's New Year's Resolution this year, which is to actually FINISH more books, which means- ONE AT A TIME! (Yes! The bedside table will finally catch a break.) But I don't know how much confidence I have that it will work out, and you are about to understand why...

You'd think someone like Matt, in his effort to finish more books, would pick up a few 200 pagers. Like, why don't you read The Shack? A pleasant and easy 200 pages. But NO. This weekend Matt decides it would be a good idea to embark on a 600 page journey through Hillary Clinton's life. Can anyone else see why I am losing confidence here?

I will be sure to let you know when he finishes. Oh, and for the record, Matt wants you all to know that he has already finished a book this year.

Caution: soap box.

I am sure Matt will forgive me for including my own personal rants on "our" blog. I've been keeping this one in for awhile now.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw this TV commercial implying that high fructose corn syrup was healthy and natural. Of course, I was mortified. I am completely put off by the deceit of food companies who convince the general public that their food is healthy in an effort to increase sales.

Here is the commercial.



The website they are advertising, www.sweetsurprise.com, features several studies which conclude that high fructose corn syrup isn't bad for you, or that it is just the same as table sugar. (Let me go ahead and say that they are both bad for you, so comparing HFCS to sugar is sort of a joke.) The website also boasts, "The U.S. Food and Drug Administration granted high fructose corn syrup 'Generally Recognized as Safe' status for use in food, and reaffirmed that ruling in 1996 after thorough review."

Ever heard of a lobbyist?

So of course I appreciated ALL of the creative comebacks on YouTube, and decided to share my favorite.



:) Happy Thursday.

"take a big glass of RELAX"

I am pretty sure Matt saw me change from Dr. Henry Jekyll to Mr. Edward Hyde right before his very eyes today. Seriously, it is amazing how a full bladder and rush hour traffic will change you from a normal person to an evil villain.

Long story short, I had to go #1 at like 3:00, but we had to be somewhere at 3:30, and due to time constraints I never got to go. Two hours later, we were trying to leave a crowded parking lot, and I still needed to go. In hindsight, I should have stopped to go before we left the event, but we were trying to beat the crowds. I also should have let Matt drive.

So two things are going through my head. 1- I really have to pee. 2- Matt has already missed like three hours of work today, and he needs to get back. These things are not helpful in bumper to bumper traffic.

Of course there was a lot of shouting and trash talk (at the other drivers) the whole way back to Matt's office. But I think the last string (for Matt) was when I started trying to make eye contact at a stoplight with some dude behind me who was upset that I didn't run a yellow light. I wanted to give him the evil eye. Haha. :) I really should not share these things with anyone.

Actually, I forgot that right as I was trying to pull into the driveway of Matt's office, there was a car leaving the office parking lot, and instead of being on the RIGHT side of the driveway, she was in the very middle of the driveway... so I couldn't pull in. So I yelled, "YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DRIVEWAY, LADY!!!!!!!!!!" And dramatically pulled around the building to the other entrance. Matt looked at me like I was possessed by something, to which I innocently replied, "What? She's gonna cause a wreck!" Ha. :)

Needless to say, I parked, and he got out as fast as he could. I went inside, took care of business, and came out a normal person. I am proud to report that I did not raise my voice once on the way from his office to the house. Of course we can all look back and laugh at this now.

(1- The title of this post is something Matt tells me OFTEN. 2- For those of you who are worried about this, I appreciate your concern, and promise that I will continue to repent and ask forgiveness and resolve to change until I am cured of road rage. I believe that day is coming. :) 3- Sorry if this was TMI for you.)