foot in mouth

Up until about last Friday, most of the comments I got from other people regarding my pregnancy went along the lines of, "Wow!  You don't look {insert # of weeks} along!" or "You're so tiny!" Still makes me laugh when they use the word, "tiny."  I didn't realize how much pride I took in those more flattering comments until I got a wide-eyed,

"You sure look like you're ready to have that baby."  and a..

"Wow, I guess the third one just looks like it's gonna pop out at anytime, huh?"

Seriously? People do not think before they speak.  Careful what you say to the preggo.

But to make things even more interesting, let me share how dumb I am.  Right before I went to pick Henry up from school yesterday, I was complaining about these comments to a friend via text (read: looking for sympathy?), and then I got out of my car and started walking into Henry's school at the exact same time as another pregnant mama.

I'm literally thinking to myself, "She must be due any day."  So I ask.

"When are you due?"

"End of May." 

And then I literally had no words except for, "Wow."  Yes.  I said, "Wow." Out loud. #footinmouth.

She asked me, and I said "End of April," and in an effort to hide my shock, I tried to ask her some more questions about her pregnancy, but the look on her face said, "This conversation is over, you 'tiny' jerk."

Yes, I am brilliant.  No, she is not having twins.  Thankfully, I didn't ask.  I did truly feel sorry for her, which may or may not make me even more of a jerk.

Anyway, as far as updates go, I'll share this.  Last night after we put the kids down and ate dinner (and ice cream), I was just done.  I was laying on the couch, and I wanted to talk to Matt, but I couldn't think of anything to ask or say to him.  All of my energy is being used just to make it through the day, and then at some point my brain and body both just shut down, and I am no longer good for anything but going to sleep.  Even watching TV or looking at Pinterest seem like chores.  I know I sound really dramatic.

Truth be told, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have such a helpful husband right now.  Yesterday morning, I noticed Matt had already unloaded the dishwasher, and I had never felt so loved by an empty, unloaded dishwasher in my entire life.  I could have cried.  Last night, when I got the energy to waddle from the couch to the bed, I realized there were two loads of laundry sitting on the bed that needed to be folded, and Matt told me to just lay down and he would fold the laundry while I talked to him (incoherently).  At other points in our marriage, I have taken for granted that Matt helps (a lot) with chores like vacuuming and cleaning up dinner.  Not now.  Thanks for picking up the slack, babe.


Well, It's 4:30 AM, which means it's time for me to go BACK to sleep.  Goodnight.

sweet little update

This post brought to you by 4AM...  Note, I wrote the first part of this post on January 15th, and apparently never got around to finishing it. (There's quite a few drafts sitting around over here.)  I figured I would just add to it...

---------- 1/15/2014 -----------

Henry has gotten really specific at night when he is praying.  This has been really sweet for us to hear.  A few of my favorite things he has prayed lately that make my heart melt include:

"Jesus, thank you for bringing soccer back."  Side note: Henry does a 30 minute soccer class once a week after school, and he loves it.  I almost didn't sign him up for the winter session because I hate being cold and didn't love the idea of sitting outside in winter weather for 30 minutes.  Last week, Henry asked when he would start soccer again, so Matt and I decided to go ahead and sign him up.  Last night after his first practice, he prayed that sweet prayer. 

"Thank you for healing our sins."

"Thank you most of all for dying on the cross for our sins."

"Thank you for letting Blythe share her bike with me today."

"Thank you for Sam and for the baby brother in mommy's tummy."

Sam is a pretty good communicator too.  He says a lot of hilarious things, but one of my favorite things he says recently is the word "actually."

Example:
Me: Sam, would you like a fruit snack?
Sam: "Yes... [wait a minute] No, ACTUALLY, I want gum."

Or he'll say, "I want to watch Cars.  No, actually, I want to watch Frosty."

---------- Today/ March 16/Two months later ------------

I think I'll continue with the theme about what my kids are saying and doing.

Over the past few months, Henry has been asking a lot of questions about Jesus.  These prove to be interesting because typically he wants to know if anything is bigger, faster, or older than Jesus.  But we've also gotten into a lot of conversations where I find myself explaining the incarnation or the fact that Jesus is fully God and fully man, and as you can imagine with a four year old, that gets interesting.

He also thinks that age, height and speed all go together - so if you are 45, you are faster than a 25 year old automatically.  And if you are 45, you are taller than 25 year old.

Let's talk about the "faster." He's reeaaally into how fast he can run.  Typically, he will tell us that he can run "Six hundred million thousand twenty two." (Made up number, but it typically sounds something like that.)  There's usually not a unit attached, but he will occasionally add "miles per hour" at the end.

Sam is talking more and more.  Sam is a kid who does not care about your feelings.  I say that jokingly, but really.  Example - a friend of mine is over for dinner and affectionately touches his head or something like that, and he turns his brow down and in a very deep, angry voice says, "No, I don't want you to touch my head!"  Or maybe instead of saying he doesn't care about you feelings, I should rephrase and say that the kid knows exactly what he wants.

Until he gets angry.  Then he just knows that he wants to be mad.

The other day we went to the pool, and something set Sam off.  I can't remember exactly, but he was angry, and he wasn't going to participate in whatever we were doing.  In these situations, it is no use trying to make it better or convince him to do anything.  He just needs to sit by himself for awhile.  If you approach him too soon, he will have none of your consoling.  So, first I tried to hug, he refused, I offered "belly flop races" (something he and H do across the pool) and he refused, so then I just ignored him and played with Henry for about five minutes while he pouted. Then later I walked back over to him, and offered him a hug, and he accepted, and then I offered him a belly flop race and he said, "MESS."  (That's Sam for "yes.")  And he forgot all about why he was mad, and so did I.

I'm not gonna lie though, the kid is hilarious when he's angry.  It is quite amusing.  Poor Sam.

Okay, I'm gonna add some pictures to this post and call it a day (at 5:20 AM). Cause let's be honest - I could probably go on forever.  Can't wait to add another boy to this mix!

Umm doesn't this melt your heart?  Notice froggy made it in the picture.  Sam has had serious attachment to froggy for about a year now.  Froggy was actually Henry's, but Hen never got too attached to his stuffed animals.

My jewelry box valentines day gift from Henry - a keeper.

Henry, Sam and Blythe on the swing at the Knoxes.

Sam likes to lounge on the couch and watch movies.

Henry got birthday doughnuts.

The bike was a great gift, and Henry has picked it up right away.  He took his first big spill yesterday, but fortunately mommy was not there to have to deal with the drama of it.

Getting his Soccer Shots certificate.  He has gotten more aggressive and interested in chasing the ball!

Sam w/ mommy's upside down sunglasses.  Blurry.

Hard days - I lift my eyes UP

It's been one of those weeks for me.  Being pregnant is getting more and more difficult.  I am not sleeping great.  I don't feel like I have the energy to do the the few things that I need to do to feel good (read: go to the gym AND keep my house neat AND wake up early to spend time with the Lord).  I find myself acting grumpy, and I hate it but keep doing it.  Oh, and there's more weeping.

It's one of those weeks where it's all too easy to keep focusing on what's wrong and trying to figure out how I'm gonna get myself out of this rut.  "How can I make sure I sleep all night tonight? Maybe if I eat better I will not be so grumpy.  Maybe if I make good plans and stick to them, I'll start acting better."

A couple of months back, I was having a difficult day, and I remember this thought occurred to me, "But God is still God."  In other words, my cruddy day did not change the fact that God is still worthy of my praise, no matter what is happening to me.

Then today, I had a moment... a moment where what I knew in my head to be true became a reality that I actually experienced.  I was driving in my car, and Chris Tomlin's song, "Holy is the Lord" came on the radio.  Truth be told, I don't often leave my radio tuned to the Christian station (cause let's be honest - cheeseball city).  For whatever reason, not only did the song come on, but I left it there- a second miracle, since I tend to flip past songs that I've heard thousands of times before.

And I just decided to sing along - from the heart.  (I sound like such a feeler right now!)  But I did... I sang to God, and I told him that he was Holy and I told him how the whole Earth is filled with his glory.  And I smiled and I believed what I was singing.  And in the very moment that I lifted my eyes up, I myself was lifted up - above my circumstances, above the mental hamster wheel I've been spinning on.

It felt like freedom.  It felt like weight coming off.  Time stood still.  I didn't need to go anywhere or get anything done.  All was right in the moment.  And I realized that this is what it is like to worship Him no matter what circumstance I find myself in.  This is where the fruit of the Spirit comes from.   This is how I get the strength to be godly and loving and joyful on no sleep, with no strength, with young children who sap my energy.  I worship him in spirit and truth, and in doing so, I am filled up with joy because I was made for this very thing.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come? 
 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1-2 (and also one of my favorite worship songs since like 1997)

I spend so much time trying to fix things on my own, that I forget that freedom and deliverance is only one glance away - one glance away from myself and onto Jesus.  If only we would fix our eyes on him!

33 Week Pregnancy Update!

How, I ask you, has it been five whole weeks since my 28 week post?
I do not know.  But this I do know- at 28 weeks, I could feel things beginning to slip downhill - you know, a little less motivation to cook and clean, a little less motivation to eat healthy, a little less motivation to wake up early, a little more of a magnetic tug to the couch/bed, some more sleepless nights, minor heartburn and reflux, some bouts of feeling anxious.

And now, I'm 33 weeks.  And downhill things have gone.  My mind is constantly back and forth between, "Oh my gosh! Only seven more weeks! I have so much to do!!" and then "SEVEN.MORE.WEEKS. How in the world can I do this for seeeeven more weeks?" Especially knowing that it just gets harder as baby and I get bigger.

Let's see.  This stage is tough because I am still nesting in theory, but when I physically set out to accomplish what my brain wants to do, I end up basically crippled by the end of the day, and I'm not even kidding you.  By 9 PM last night, I was literally crawling around my house because of tailbone pain.

In a sad but true low point, I did actually crawl to the freezer to get some ice cream, which may or may not have been my second dessert.  I guess my body can't handle a simple day of vacuuming, dusting, laundry and cooking dinner.  The Deep Cleaning anniversary gift is looking really sweet right now.

Okay, so I have repeatedly heard the word "tiny" to describe my belly, and I will gladly accept the compliment on the premise of vanity ALONE.  Because here's the truth: 1- I gain just as much or more weight than the average pregnant person. 2- My babies are still just as big, they just sit on my tailbone instead of out in front like the rest of you people- so as to cause the tailbone pain, and the infamous sciatica/nerve pain.  3- I still get stretch marks.  And for the record, no one ever calls me "tiny" when I am not pregnant.

Unfortunately, when my insomnia hit around 2AM, I still couldn't walk.  I am not exaggerating - I need a walker.  This is also unfortunate because it's Spring Break, and I was hoping to do some fun things with the boys this week.  Now I am not sure how I'm going to tackle this week alone.

Side note: Matt got me a prenatal massage for Valentine's Day.  In the middle of the night, I started researching "pregnancy chiropractor" on yelp, and what do you know! The place where he got my massage gift card came up with rave reviews about healing back pain, etc. So I may or may not try to get in like ASAP for one of those bad boys.  And by the way, Matt is hitting home-runs in the gift department!

I told you all that we have a name, but we don't actually have a middle name, so I am waiting till that is decided so I can share the whole thing at once.  I think that's it with the update.  I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but my four year old just woke up after a dream.

Till next time.

P.S. I will add a belly pic later today, but I think snapping a selfie at 5AM would be a little bit psycho.  Plus I'm having a hard time standing right now.

The pineapple is there because the baby weighs as much as a pineapple right now.

weeks fly by!

How has it been since mid-February that I posted?  Weeks are literally flying by, and before I know it, it's been three weeks since I have read any blogs or written any posts!  I'll also admit that a small reason for not posting is because I want to write a "good" post, and therefore if I don't have a good chunk of time, I just don't write.  Oh well.  All that to say, I am glad February is over, and I am so happy it's March!

My life feels like it's been "nesting, hosting, nesting, hosting."  Good thing they go together.  I am not naturally a hostesss... I like it, but it takes a lot out of me.  I know people who are hosting people at their house all.the.time.  (Bless you.)  But for me, to have two or three different "events" at my house in a week for multiple weeks is, umm- special!  I have learned a lot through it though, and I found this little quote on Pinterest that really impacted me and my attitude towards hosting people.

"The heart of hospitality is when people leave your home, they should feel better about themselves, not better about you." - Shauna Niequist, The Power of the Living Room

No doubt keeping this truth in mind has kept me from going insane or from caring too much what people think about me, and instead focusing on trying to make them feel welcome.

On the other hand, NESTING!  Yay! I love making my house a home.  Also, I am a different person than I was when I got married eight years ago.  I never cared a hoot about my house until very recently. 

Anyway, I remember before I had Sam, that I was stressing out so much about what to do with Henry as far as big boy beds/rooms.  So, I'm making it easy on myself this time.  Sam is SUCH a good sleeper that I've decided to leave things the way they are at this point. AKA Henry stays in his room, Sam stays in the crib in his room.  This means baby #3 gets typical baby #3 treatment: temporary housing in the pack n' play in the guest room.  Don't worry, he will be comfy.  I think our kids average two months in our room anyway, so we'll figure out rooming situations as we go. :)  This decision seems to give me the most peace. And peace + 3 children = necessary.

Next.  We celebrated Anniversary #8 yesterday. Whoop.  Matt got me a "deep cleaning" service for our anniversary, which I am stoked about!  When he handed it to me he said, "Hopefully this doesn't offend you." :) Not at all, sir.

Henry turned four last week and got a bike for his birthday.  He loves riding it!  In the last 6 months Henry went from being my kid who would sit by the couch next to me and play iPad games to a kid who won't.sit.still.for.more.than.ten.minutes. I love his little active boy self.

My kids wrestle, tackle, push and shove all the time. Boys, boys, boys. So physical.  I'm pretty sure Sam makes Henry cry as much or more than the other way around, and I have no doubt that Sam is waaaaay fiercer, so I think I would pick him to win a physical fight.

I better wrap this up. Oh, and I am now officially 32 weeks pregnant.  Less than eight weeks till this thing goes down!  Cray!!