officially awkward

Oh my gosh. I am officially the most awkward person on the planet. This literally happened less than 5 minutes ago, and the story can't wait. So without further ado...

I'm pulling into a rather small parking spot at my second favorite Starbucks in town. As I am pulling in, I notice that the owner in minivan in the spot next to me is still in his car. Awesome.

So I am parked really close to him (because the spaces are small), and I consider just backing out and parking somewhere else. Then it seems like the dude in the minivan is about to leave, so I decide to just park it. It turns out that the dude wasn't really leaving, he was just readjusting because I was parked too close to him.

He then rolls down his window and says, "The spaces are small."

But my window is up, so I roll mine down and say, "I'm sorry?"

And he says, "Sorry, the spaces are really small."

I immediately misinterpret his apology to be a sassy, "Hate to break it to ya, but you're gonna need to move" tone.

So to keep the rapport, I snap back, "OH, so I need to park somewhere else, huh?"

The guy was actually being nice and he totally didn't catch onto the sass. In fact, he thought that I was being nice to him by offering to park somewhere else. (But don't kid yourself, it was totally sassy.)

He responds very calmly since he didn't catch the attitude and says, "Oh no, you can stay there, I was just letting you know why I readjusted my car. I wanted to make sure you could get out."

I immediately feel terrible for being a sass-master, remember that I am actually going to Starbucks to read my bible, and then begin overcompensating for the bad attitude with overt friendliness.

"Oh, well, I just might go park somewhere else; that would be easier."

Dude responds, "No don't worry about it, I am just waiting on my wife, and we are about to leave anyway."

I respond, "Well, okay. Thanks."

Then I notice he has a kid in the backseat. (Mind you, I am still trying to compensate for being a total butt.)

"Oh you have a baby?" I asked with an unusual amount of enthusiasm.

Man responds, "Yep," but looks concerned like, "Why in the world is this crazy woman asking about my kid?"

I immediately realize that if I act too interested in some stranger's kid, it might freak him out a bit, so once again, I try to overcompensate.

"Oh, well, I am just really obsessed with babies right now..." (A completely false statement - and do I really think THAT statement is going to make him feel better about the situation?) "... My sister is about to have a baby."

Man sort of nods in a way that suggests the conversation is over.

I walk the walk of shame into Starbucks and live to blog about it.

Moral of the story? Don't try to bail yourself out when you act like a nincompoop; you will only make it worse. Just humble yourself, receive the forgiveness that you could never earn, and move on. Just move on.