attention

There's a certain kind of attention that I love and then a certain kind of attention that I don't really love, and I think that in both situations my main issue is pride or insecurity.

Like, let's be really honest here, I LOVE when people tell me that they read my blog and think it's funny. Matt hates it because if someone tells me that they like my blog, he will get to hear me brag about it for at least a little while. That's fun attention. It feeds my ego and vanity, which do not need to be fed.

On the other hand, I don't necessarily like the attention that I get when I have "problems." You know, like Henry's surgery. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am SO thankful for the prayers and the sweet notes. I could never tell you how blessed we are to hear that so many people who don't even know us are praying for our baby. But, there's something about this kind of attention that I don't like, and I can't really put my finger on it. Except that maybe I really don't like to be seen as a person with problems, even though, Lord knows, I have them!

(Side note, I also don't like the attention I get at baby showers. They are awkward and always will be, and I will always be awkward at them.)

I'm a relatively vulnerable person. I'll tell people my issues, but usually afterward I always think to myself, "That person's going to think I'm a nutcase." But who cares? I am a nutcase. That's the point of the gospel.

Anyway, my sweet mom started a "Pray for Baby Henry" Facebook page like 5 minutes ago, and I joined and then several other people joined. And immediately I start thinking things like, "People are going to think that I just want attention for myself." And "This isn't really hard suffering, so why are we making such a fuss about all this?" And, "People are going to think that I am making this a bigger deal than it is." And, "Gosh, I wrote that initial blog post/e-mail when I was in an emotional state, and people are going to think... yada yada, blah blah" Etc. Etc. Yeah, I am a nutcase!

So I don't really know where I am going with this. Except that I just need to be humbled.

Period. End of Story.