let's talk pedicures, shall we?

I got my "I'm about to have a baby" manicure and pedicure today. While I was sitting there, I realized that I'm probably more picky about my $25 pedicure than I am about my $20,000 (estimate, epidural included, possibly on the high side, but who's paying attention?) labor and delivery experience.

You see.  If I did write up a "birth plan," which I won't, it would look something like this: EPI-FRICKIN-DURAL.  The end.

However, if I had the option of writing up a "pedicure plan," it would be much more detailed.

For starters.  I would like my feet to not be soaking in lukewarm water please.  Make that water HOT!  I want it "hot tub" hot, you know. It should be uncomfortable for about five seconds, like when you get in a hot tub.  Then it feels great once your skin gets acclimated.  None of this lukewarm business... because if it's lukewarm when you put your feet in, it basically just feels cold the longer they sit there.

Next.  When you take that dirt scraper thing to scrape dirt out from my pretty toenails, DIG IN THERE!  I should be able to feel you digging around for dirt.  (Sorry if that grosses some of you out.)  Don't be wimpy, woman!  Don't just halfheartedly drag the little scraper underneath my nail!  You can't sufficiently remove the dirt that way!  Same goes for the cuticle cutting and the removing of callouses... actually get them off, don't just pick up the tools and pretend!

Finally, the lotion you're rubbing on my legs.  SHOW ME SOME MUSCLE.  Massage the lotion INTO my legs. Don't just pat, pat, pat it on.  You are stronger than that, lady!  Take pride in your job. :)

Okay, so maybe I'm a little high maintenance.  But you know, there's gotta be some consistency.  If I've been going to the same nail salon since like 8th grade, and most of the time they massage my feet and do a great job, then that will be what I come to expect.  I think they should have called this "pedicure lite" and charged me less for it - you know as opposed to the deluxe where they charge you more.

On the bright side, the manicurist gave me a neck massage, so I can't complain too much.  I can't lie and say that the whole experience left me wanting more... like a full body, "let's-apply-labor-inducing, accu-pressure," "let's-make-up-for-the-sorry-pedicure" massage.

In other news.  I love the raised eyebrows I get now when people ask when I'm due.  When I can answer, "Friday," it's much more exciting than, "two weeks" or even "next week."  But let's be honest, baby probably won't come on Friday.  Really, I'm not getting my hopes up.  And we've pretty much decided he will be named in the hospital.  Scary thought.


I think that's all for Sunday.  Let's chat soon.